The World According to Chris Wellens

Playing World of Warcraft on a Treadmill

2011-11-20T13:57:00.001-08:00

I had a pretty simple workout routine. The treadmill in my bedroom faces the television. I put on stereo headphones and watch a pre-recorded television program. While I am watching television, the treadmill makes me run up and down simulated hills for half an hour at the equivalent pace of a 15 minute mile. About the time the television program is over, my workout is over. I did not notice I was working out. I lost a lot of weight doing this every day this past year.

Then three weeks ago, the treadmill broke. This was not expected. I was thrown off my schedule. I had to get things organized to have the old one removed, and now I am working on getting a new one installed. In the meantime, I've been using the treadmill at a health club.

I hate going to the health club. It requires getting dressed, driving eight miles round trip, and walking through a room with lots of beautiful people. Then, I arrive in the humongous industrial factory where I am faced with row after row after row of treadmills and elliptical machines (most occupied with a beautiful person). It always seems that the people next to me are running four minute miles up hills. (That's right, almost four times faster than me.) It is intimidating. I can overcome the intimidation, but then, in front of me is a tiny television with a football game on it, or worse yet, Fox News. There's no sound. There are no headphones. It is extremely dull.

Today I thought of a solution. I like World of Warcraft, but I rarely play it because I don't have time, and I already spend too much of my life in front of a computer (like right now, for example). But, what if World of Warcraft were physical? In other words, if your character is fighting a wizard for example, maybe you have to do certain physical boxing moves on the treadmill with your arms. Maybe someone is chasing you over hills, so you have to run as fast as you can over hills for a couple of minutes. It could be a very entertaining distraction, and after 30 minutes, your workout would be done. Perhaps you would even be motivated to extend the workout based on the narrative in the World of Warcraft story.

the one breasted woman

2011-11-18T11:58:00.001-08:00

Last week I was in the ladies locker room getting ready to take a shower, and looked up to see a woman in her sixties, across the room from me. I had a full frontal view of the lady, and a feeling that something was askew with the picture. The lady was putting her clothes back on after her shower and I realized that she had one tight and buff looking horizontal, flat muscle next to one large and sagging breast.

It took me a while to figure out that the tight, buff, horizontal flat muscle was the aftermath of a mastectomy. She had a breast removed!

My first thought was how trim, fit, and buff the horizontal part looked -- the side without the breast. It actually looked much better than the large and sagging breast on the other side. My second thought was how completely comfortable she appeared to be. She was not trying to hide her frontal view at all. She was obviously very accepting of her body in its current configuration.

Prior to seeing this lady at the health club, I had always thought that should I face the prospect of a mastectomy, I would take a pass, get my affairs in order, and check into some hospice program and prepare to die from cancer. I believed that death would be preferable to having certain body parts lopped off.

In fact, I am going to go out on a limb and take a big risk here and flatly admit that I do not like all the talk about breast cancer. I wish people would just shut up about it. I do not like hearing about "One in Nine", "Susan G. Komen", the pink ribbons, and the "Race for the Cure". In fact, breast cancer is not the number one cause of death from cancer, although it seems to be advertised as if it were number one. According to the World Health Organization, (February 2006), the lineup looks like this:

lung cancer (1.3 million deaths)
stomach cancer (803,000 deaths)
colorectal cancer (639,000 deaths)
liver cancer (610,000 deaths)
breast cancer (519,000 deaths)

So why does it seem like breast cancer is marketed and promoted much more extensively than other types of cancers? Don't we want to find a solution for all forms of cancer and not just breast cancer? I don't see the men running around with all types of marketing programs to raise awareness and funds to address prostate cancer. What is going on here? Are the women just better at marketing?

Having seen this lady at the health club, I now have a new view. If I became one of the extremely unlucky "one woman in nine" who is diagnosed with breast cancer, and if the oncologists recommended a mastectomy, I think I would go for it. I think life without a breast or both breasts would not be the end of the world as I know it. Yet, I would not have decided this without seeing the lady across from me in the ladies locker room.

What if Abraham Lincoln had been treated for his depression?

2011-04-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

My profound thought for the day concerns Abraham Lincoln. His episodes with depression were untreated and long lasting. While I would not go so far as to say depression affected his judgment, it did affect his approach to many matters. For example, when he asked Robert E. Lee to head up the Union Army, Lee turned Lincoln down because Lee felt his loyalty was to Virginia.

Lincoln acquiesced. But what if Lincoln had been a little more up beat, optimistic, and shared his vision with Lee? What if Lincoln made an effort to persuade Lee that there was greater cause at stake here, and that Virginia's future was tied to the future of a set of states that were united?

The civil war would have been fought and ended, possibly in one year or less. The umber of deaths would have been dramatically reduced.

New law prohibiting young children in upscale restaurants

2011-03-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

Here's my new law:

If the average price of a entree at a restaurant is $10 or more, AND it is 8:00 p.m. or later, THEN all persons under 12 years of age will NOT be permitted entrance.

Why this law?

This used to be an unwritten rule that was observed by civilized people and did not need to be explicitly communicated. However, the majority of today's parents were not properly socialized to understand this rule and thus do not recognize the social taboo they are violating. Thus, we need a law.

Here's how the world should work:

#1 Bed time. School night. Teeth brushed and in bed by 8 p.m. (for individuals who are 12 years old or younger.)

#2 Grown ups who would like to have a quiet dining experience and enjoy a fine meal and conversation have some assurance that this can happen.

#3 If the group with young children shows up at the restaurant, they can order "take out" and wait outside or in their car until it is ready.

#4 If you are a parent with children under 12, and you would like to enjoy a fine meal and adult conversation, then you need to hire a babysitter.

Any questions?

Napa Valley Taken Over by Foreign Occupiers

2010-10-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

People from L.A. have taken over the Napa Valley. They have recreated it in their own image. This is not good.

It began eight to nine years ago. At first the changes were subtle.   If you stopped at a Napa Valley Mom and Pop grocery store, you noticed that the dress code changed. Instead of shoppers in jeans, t-shirts, Birkenstocks ... there were women with lots of gold jewelry, nice black pants, and Manolo shoes on a Saturday afternoon. A friend and I stopped by and we felt uncomfortable and underdressed. This was weird. We looked at each other and both said "L.A. people."

In normal communities in Northern California, even very wealthy ones, no one dresses up. Certain occasions -- a wedding, a funeral, Saturday night in San Francisco at a fancy restaurant or the theatre -- but that's it.   We like it that way. This is a core value of a Northern California.

That was just the beginning.

Northern Californians occasionally go to the Napa Valley for wine tasting.   The tastings used to be free (25 years ago), and we Northern Californians would visit one or two wineries and purchase one bottle of wine or have one shipped. But as more and more tourists came to the area, on vacation, the situation got out of control. Instead of *tasting* the wine, the tourists *drank* the wine, resulting in drunk drivers causing havoc. The owners of the wineries did not want the Napa Valley turning into Disneyland for drunks, so they started charging for wine tastings.

Unfortunately that did not really solve the problem as the tourists started to treat the experience as going to a bar, ordering a drink, hanging around to drink the whole thing and "ordering" "another tasting". They completely missed the point that if you tasted the wine and liked it, then you bought a bottle to take home and you left the tasting room without actually having an entire four ounce drink.

Maybe the Napa Valley winery owners needed to put out an etiquette book on wine tasting. In any case, they were between a rock and a hard place; they had no ability to differentiate between a normal wine taster who would purchase a bottle for later consumption, and a bar hopper.

Next came the bicycling phenomenon. This was a sure sign of L.A. occupiers. Bicycle rental places started popping up around the Napa Valley and the tourists actually rented them and rode them.   To understand why this was a terrible idea, you need to know that the Napa Valley is agricultural like the Central Valley (home to Fresno). Both valleys grow grapes. Both are flat, hot, and somewhat boring. In the Central Valley the grapes become raisins. In the Napa Valley, the grapes become wine. Both products show up on your grocery store shelves (unless you live in one of those weird states where you cannot buy wine at the grocery store). The Napa Valley has a few more rolling hills in spots compared to the Central Valley, but other than that, they are one in the same.

Now why would you ride a bicycle when it is flat, dry, hot (over 100 degrees Farenheit) and you just had the equivalent of eight ounces of wine? Can you predict the results? Maybe the emergency room doctors in the Napa Valley wanted more business. The drunk driving car accidents get replaced by drunk driving bike accidents or they combine -- one car plus one bike accidents instead of two cars. A real Northern California cyclist either commutes to work by bike and/or does recreational riding in a cooler area with more hills, and in no case, would a real Northern California cyclist consume wine first. This is another core value of Northern California.

It seems the L.A. people who wanted to transform the Napa Valley into their own image, realized that there is actually NOTHING to do there (besides wine tasting), and decided to promote cycling as a tourist activity, and an activity for themselves, because L.A. people actually bought homes (second homes) and moved to the Napa Valley. I think they realized, after the fact, that there was nothing to do in the Napa Valley, and always concerned about their appearance, the, ahem, older L.A. people, embraced the full bicycling sartorial statement. Now you see them walking around the Napa Valley shopping areas with their lime green and hot pink spandex outfits and their funny cleated bike shoes. They are trim and tightly muscled from excessively working out, but the skin covering the muscles is old and sagging. I am sure they think they look really good. To me they seem really sad; they are clinging to some lifestyle and image that is so out of place, so unnatural and so unreal to the authentic inhabitants of the Napa Valley.

Finally, perhaps the saddest thing of all, is most Northern Californians can no longer afford to visit the Napa Valley, but can only drive through on a trip to somewhere else. For several years now, the least expensive hotel is $300 per night on the weekend in the Napa Valley. The decent and inexpensive chain motels in most California cities usually run about $125 - $150 per night. These are hotels like the Hampton Inn, Holiday Inn Express, and so on. These types of packages are not available on the weekends in the Napa Valley. I guess the L.A. occupiers want to keep the riff-raff out.   If you are invited to a wedding in the Napa Valley on the weekend, that's what you will have to pay and the hotels that charge $300 per night are not twice as nice as the Hampton Inn. In fact, they are about the same experience.

So what can be done? The L.A. occupiers have transformed the Napa Valley into something grotesque and unholy. If you have ideas for putting it back to what it was in the late 1970s and early 1980s, please add your comments.

the Kindle phenomenon - unpromoted benefits

2010-09-06T09:07:00.000-07:00

I've had an Amazon Kindle for almost two years now. I use it daily to read the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and novels. Reading novels on the Kindle is just like reading a paper back novel -- I never notice the difference. Reading newspapers on the Kindle required a lot of behavior changes; newspapers are organized very differently on the Kindle, but eventually I got used to it.

Now two amazing things about the Kindle that no one ever mentions:

1-books out of copyright
2-archival storage - the bane of information technology

First, if you have an interest in reading a published work that is out of copyright, you can get it on the Kindle for free, for $0.99, or it if is something really large, just a little more money. I got the Complete Works of William Shakespeare for $2.29. I got Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott for free.

All the press about eBooks revolves around the price model for new books, best sellers, deals with publishers, etc. However, that misses the point. Even at a used book store you cannot beat free or $2.29 for a really large or multi volume book. This is the real deal with the Kindle; not everyone reads best sellers.

Second, archival storage. I've got another blog coming up on archival storage and how no one has successfully found a solution. So what is the problem? In human history, the records that stood the test of time are the ones written on paper. That is too bad. Paper records require maintenance, organization, categorization, and so on. In fact, a very large and significant portion of daily life at work and at home by individuals and by corporations requires dull and annoying tasks dealing with the organizing, maintenance and storage of papers, documents, bills, records, and so on.

As I write this, I can see four piles of books, each about two feet high, stacked on the floor. How many times have I packed up and moved this set of books? What should I do with them? Should I buy a new book case? Why do I have them? Will I will need to refer to them again? Should I take them to the used book store? With the Kindle, I never have to think about any of this. Maybe Kindle should have a slogan like "Read Once. Maintain Never." Or, "No Maintenance Personal Library." The point is that the Kindle eliminates part of the problem of maintaining and organizing material stuff. That is not in the same category as achieving world piece, or eliminating hunger. But it does free up more time to work on the important problems.

Summary: Older books you were planning to read someday are available instantly, mostly for free, on the Kindle. Get as many as you want, because you don't have to physically store them any place.

In the middle of a war, the general hangs out with the staff of Rolling Stone magazine?

2010-06-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

By now everyone know that General Stanley McChrystal made some injudicious remarks to reporters at Rolling Stone magazine.

I, for one, forgive him, because I too have been seduced by the press and had my remarks taken out of context. It takes real skill and experience to avoid that.

But the more important question is how is it that General McChrystal would be communicating with Rolling Stone magazine when he is supposed to be focused on ending this very expensive Afghan war?

Does he see himself as a celebrity hanging out with the papparazzi?

Solar neutrinos heat up the earth's core?

2010-05-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the film "2012". The premise of the story is that solar neutrinos penetrate the earth and heat up the earth's core so that it is boiling and destabilizing the earth's crust.

What? What kind of physics is that? The writers must have studied physics at the University of Ganja.

How can Warren Buffet live with himself and own Geico?

2010-05-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

Just reading about yesterday's Berkshire Hathaway Shareholder meeting. I have always admired Warren Buffet for his social consciousness and charitable giving.

So, I was stunned to learn that Berkshire Hathaway owns Geico. Geico is an insurance company that advertises quite a bit, but apparently does not facilitate claims processing, which is, of course, the number one thing you would want an insurance company to do.

A google search on "Geico sucks" yields 136,000 hits. Compare this to:
"Farmer's Insurance sucks" with 35,000 hits, or
"State Farm Insurance sucks" with 50,000 hits.

Any very large organization will, at any given time, have some percentage of dissatisfied customers, but Geico seems to be far over the top. Perhaps this is no surprise since Geico sells its very low insurance rates, and does not claim to have pro-active and timely customer service.

Still, it is disappointing to me that Warren Buffet would own a business that takes advantage of average folks who are just trying to save a little money on their car insurance. That just doesn't seem to square with Buffet's values.

The best of New York

2010-04-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

Since I became a Kindle owner, I also started reading the New York Times every day. I miss living near New York. The Tribeca Film Festival is just starting with 132 films in 12 days from 38 countries. I would love to go. In fact, every time I read the NYT, I wish I were in New York to see one thing or another.

The Santa Cruz Film Festival is May 6-15 and has 133 films from 13 countries. Somehow I don't think it will be comparable. I suppose I should go.

Also in New York is "FELA" a musical about a Nigerian revolutionary. Then there's a rock musical called "Bloody bloody Andrew Jackson" about the 7th president, who was a solider who believed in taking no prisoners.

I want to see these plays just because the premises are such wild ideas.

A theory of layoffs

2010-01-24T08:02:00.000-08:00

Silicon Valley does layoffs periodically regardless of the state of the economy. It is clear that our current recession is sufficiently serious that layoffs are necessary to reduce costs and ensure survival.

Layoffs don't happen in the way that you think they should.

You would think that the senior management of the company would look at the overall operation and figure out which groups perform the least essential function of the company, and either eliminate the group or retain just a few key staff from each group.

But that is not what happens.

The senior management abdicates the responsibility for the layoffs to the second level managers (and sometimes first level managers are included). These managers use a different set of criteria; they consciously or unconsciously select the people on their teams who are the most difficult and most challenging to manage.

We all know who these people are.

Some of them are eccentric and quirky, maybe not socially gracious, maybe not poised, but at the same time they have insights, ideas, and points of view that no one else has. Those ideas can lead to breakthroughs that are essential to the future of the company.

Some of them are very passionate about their ideas and aspirations for the company's product or service; they openly argue with their manager to do what they think or feel is right. They are managing from the bottom up; they like to figure out the game plan and persuade their manager. They do not want to carry out orders from above.

So what happens? These are the people who get laid off because they are the most difficult to manage; they are "the problems". The first and second level managers have made their life a lot easier. All the remaining staff know their place, are socially gracious, and everything is lovely without those troublemakers.

However, over the next three to five years, the company does not have any breakthroughs, new ideas, new dynamic product and service offerings. The company just becomes a resting place for drones. Then it dies a slow death.

The solution is that the senior management should not abdicate; they should identify the creative quirky individualists with their passion and their ideas. They should take steps to protect them from the layoff process.

Tiger Woods: Meet Jesus

2009-12-18T19:52:00.000-08:00

What does Tiger Woods do now? His wife is divorcing him and who can blame her? Her husband is a philanderer with ten mistresses, so far. It is a pity. Tiger Woods had such a wonderful image. He was successful in a sport dominated by older, rich, white men. He was a breath of fresh air.

What advertiser would not want a handsome, talented, competent young man to represent a company and its products? Well ... no one... not now. Tiger's ... ahem... excessive infidelity would not be the type of image an advertiser would want.

What can Tiger do now?

As far as golf goes, Tiger is a pariah. Actually, as far as anything goes, he is a pariah. So what can he do now?

He needs to get through his divorce. He needs to lay low for about one year. He needs redemption. The only way he can redeem himself is to perform gracious, selfless, charitable acts. He must repent and he must find Jesus.

Then in about two years, he can go back to professional golf, but he had better get counseling for his infidelity.

NYC Charter Schools Like Silicon Valley?

2009-09-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

Here is an excerpt from today's Wall Street Journal (22Sep2009), in an article titled "Charter Schools Pass Key Test in Study":

"We want to make New York City the Silicon Valley of charter schools," says schools Chancellor Joel Klein, who supports lifting statewide caps. "This study shows that when districts aren't antagonistic to charter schools, and instead welcome them, the results are very powerful."

Like Silicon Valley? With 12% unemployment? Massive traffic problems? Unaffordable housing?
I suppose Klein meant "innnovation" -- that he wants the charter schools to be innovative. It is a strange simile, though. Perhaps Klein could set his aspirations higher.

The Second Great Depression - Government Bailout

2009-09-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

Just like the stock market crash of 1929 ushered in the Great Depression, so has the real estate crash of the Fall of 2008 ushered in the Great Depression II.

I was thinking that in Great Depression I, the US Government did NOT bailout any banks or other businesses. Instead, the US Government created work projects to put people back to work and into a spending mood.

This time, in Great Depression II, the government IS bailing out banks and other businesses. The US Government is giving banks and businesses money, and propping them up. BUT, the US Government is NOT doing anything for people. There are no programs to put people back to work.

Did the US Government change from 1929 to 2009? Did it change from a democracy for the people into a government of big businesses? Are our elected officials merely "corporatists"?

Manda Bala (Send a Bullet) to the Wall Street Journal

2009-09-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

Antonio Regalado wrote an article for today's (9/9/2009) Wall Street Journal, titled "On Sao Paulo's Mean Streets, the Rich Roll in Armored Splendor". The article is all about the high tech industry of adding armor to cars. This doubles the price of the car, but keeps the wealthy clientele safer than a non-armored car. About 30,000 cars in Brazil are armored and about 120 companies provide armoring services. One of the featured young ladies in the article has a pink VW beetle that is armored.

This is not the story. Antonio Regalado, and/or his editors, have blown it big time. The real story is that Sao Paulo is a very densely populated city with 11 million people, and a huge gap between rich and poor. It is more effective and easier in Sao Paulo to kidnap a wealthy person, cut off their ear as proof that you have them, and send the ear with a demand letter to their family. You can get $20,000 - $50,000 this way. This is more profitable and gets better results than robbing a bank.

Why have the poor and destitute taken this path? To truly understand the dynamics of life in Sao Paulo, one should see the documentary film, "Manda Bala (send a bullet)".

To write a story for the Wall Street Journal describing armored cars in Sao Paulo as a new status symbol is completely irresponsible. It does not address the terrible fear of possible kidnapping by the wealthy. It does not address the political system in Brazil that fails to address the desperate poverty of the majority of Brazilian people.

This is the real story.

Santa Cruz Fire of August 2009

2009-08-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a photo of the fire from space:

http://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/IOTD/view.php?id=39817

Start: Aug 12 2009
Number of firefighting personnel: 2,000
Cost to contain: $26.6 million
Acres burned: 7817
Square miles burned: 10
End: Aug 26 2009

Kathleen Pouls - Acupuncturist from Hell

2009-08-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

About three weeks ago, I pulled a rib in my back. It affected the muscles in my collar bone, and my shoulder, and my rotator cuff in my right arm. I was doing squats and lifting a 10 pound medicine ball. It was an exercise routine I've been doing for almost three months. Suddenly, that morning, a sharp pain zinged down my collar bone, about six inches down my back and stopped. I dropped the medicine ball. I went home. My upper back felt like it was off its tracks.

I went to see a chiropractor who was highly recommended. He did some adjustments and got the rib mostly back into place. I have had three follow up visits, because "the adjustment" does not "last".

Now the thing about this is, I am a personally conservative woman. I do not like strange men touching me. Chiropractors do this thing where they kind of whack your limbs and shoulders and neck around. Almost like they are beating you up. So for me, it becomes an act of physical violence from a strange man directed at me. It makes me very uncomfortable and very fearful. I know I am not the only woman who feels this way. The whole thing is really unpleasant. I don't think I could go back and do it again unless I was under anesthesia.

Problem is I am good for a few days and then the pain is back. A lot of pain. Intense pain on the right side of my back at T3.

The chiropractor recommended I get acupuncture to try and bring down the inflammation. Today I went to Kathleen Pouls, one of the acupuncturists he recommended.

This is only my second time getting acupuncture. The first time (15 years ago) was great. This time was a nightmare.

First, the needles really hurt. Ms. Pouls never asked me "does this hurt?" "are you uncomfortable?" She just stuck the needles in and left the room. For 15 minutes! Gee how about coming back and checking on me after a minute? Maybe I am not okay ... did that cross your mind?

So there I am face down with my head over the side of the table, pulling on my neck muscles in a terrible way. I realize I am in a bad position for me. I could not turn over and get up because of all the needles and if I turned the wrong way, I might drive them in further! (Shudder.) The pain in my neck muscles is causing me to tense up which probably is counteracting any effect the needles have.

I cannot cry out for help because of the way my neck and head are wedged into the table bed, and I doubt anyone would hear me over the newage music.

I tried to scoot down --- kind of wriggle myself further down the table so my head can have some support. As I lifted my legs a little, the pain from the needles really intensified, so I quickly dropped back. So there I was, stuck in this horrible awkward position, causing me to tense up even more.

Finally, I just gritted my teeth, bore the pain and got my body moved down about three inches so I can have some support for my head and neck.

Then Ms. Pouls entered the room. She is blabbing on about some kind of laser treatment. What? Lasers for inflammation? I thought she was an acupuncturist. So I turn to look her and she says "I need to identify your greatest area of pain so I can shine the laser light at it." She then shines this laser right in my eyes! Hey! My eyes are not in pain!!! Unbelievable! So now I can have terrible back pain, go blind, and pay for the privilege.

I think it is the same type of laser I use when I play with my cats and they think the red laser light is some kind of new mousey.

As far as I know, there is zero scientific evidence that laser light shows directed at one's back alleviate back pain. Perhaps there is a placebo effect in some individuals. On me, there was no effect.

Well let's see... does that about cover it? No. I got a lecture about how I should "get on top of the pain". I have no idea what that means. The pain is actually behind me, in my back. How do I get on top of what is behind me? I don't think I am flexible enough to stand on top of my back. Maybe those Cirque du Soleil performers could do that. Not me.

So I wonder if she realizes that my purpose in seeing an acupuncturist was to alleviate the pain? I suppose I never spelled this out. Perhaps she thought I was there for some other purpose?

Ms. Pouls concluded with a newage lecture on all the stuff I should be taking and doing etc. to manage this.
Strangely, she never asked any follow up questions. For example: "Are you feeling better?" "Do you feel some relief?' "Was there any effect from my laser light show?"

It was kind of like she went through her perfunctory performance/routine and I was kind of incidental collateral. Or perhaps I was just life support system for a credit card. In other words, my role in her life was to have a piece of plastic from which she could appropriate $85.

For $85, I could have purchased a fabulous bottle of very fine wine. If I had two glasses of the very fine wine, I know I would be out of pain.

I do NOT recommend Kathleen Pouls, Acupuncturist.

Salad dressing - the little things in life that make you happy

2009-06-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

For years I have used salad dressings that I purchased pre-made in the grocery store. They are okay. Kind of expensive for what they are. Kind of wasteful in terms of packaging and re-use.

I've always wanted to have a salad dressing on par with the fresh, punchy dressings that you get in upscale restaurants.

I happened to stumble upon www.saladsuccess.com. The site promises that you can make these fresh and exciting salad dressings without much effort.

So I tried it out. I got the little container and the set of recipes. So far I've just made the perfect vinaigrette, and I have to say, it was perfect. I also like the container a lot because it is much easier to control how much you put on the salad.

Writing this is making me hungry.

Bon appetit!

Palm abandons its loyal customers with the Pre

2009-06-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

I was really excited about the new Palm Pre announcement. Finally, the sensible people who created PalmOS were going to give us a phone plus calendar plus contact list that we could nicely hot sync to the good old PalmOS. A plain, reliable, easy to use, small and efficient software application. EVERYONE I know over 30 is frustrated that they cannot combine their Palm handheld device with their cell phone.

Well I read the Palm Pre announcement about the calendar part.

"Pre uses the Palm^® Synergy™ feature to bring your Outlook^®, Google, and Facebook^® calendars together for one logical view of your day. And if you have the same contacts in different places, Pre can link them together, making it easy to find the information you need.^1,2

1 Within wireless coverage area only. Requires data services at additional cost. Third party software, videos and music sold separately. Wi-Fi within range of 802.11b/g Wi-Fi network. Some Wi-Fi hotspots require fee for usage.
2 Available for Exchange ActiveSync only. Requires Microsoft Outlook using Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 SP2 or later. Within wireless coverage area only. Requires data services at additional cost."

So rather than attach the Pre to a USB cable to hot sync my computer at home and my computer at work, I have to do my hot sync over the wireless network! That means that updating my calendar and address book will require a perpetual service agreement with Sprint. So Sprint is making money off of my appointments and my contacts.

This is completely slimey.

This is the Apple iPhone approach. If I wanted that, I could have bought an iPhone two years ago.

Now... why did Palm want to copy Apple? Palm does not have to copy Apple. Palm has PalmOS. It works great. Why didn't they leverage PalmOS? With PalmOS you don't have to sign any agreements with Yahoo or Google or Facebook about how they are going to use your personal information. Those companies would not have your personal information, because your personal information stays nicely hidden in PalmOS.

To add to the general slimeyness....

The Pre requires that you use Microsoft Exchange Server. Yuck. Why? Who wants to set up and administer that big piece of pork? Why involve Microsoft? Now we have to get into the DRM cesspool. Next thing the RIAA will be sending me a letter saying that they read through my calendar and that they noticed I had an appointment called "Journey". (The actual name of the appointment is "Journey up my bottom"; it was the day I was scheduled for a colonoscopy.) The RIAA will tell me to take it down because Journey is the copyrighted name of the band that is under contract to Columbia Records. Then Columbia Records will sue me for using their band's name without their permission.

Does anyone remember when calendars were private?

Come on Palm... don't be a clone of Apple! Return to your roots, cancel the Pre, go back to the drawing board. Why don't you use APIs and have little software agents that go through the Internet downloading and uploading calendar information after checking the user's policy and privacy settings? This would be so much better and you would sell millions.

What should we do with AT&T?

2009-05-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

When I arrived at my office in Santa Cruz on Thursday April 9th, 2009, I discovered that the telephones did not work, my cell phone did not work, and our Internet connection was down. Yet we still had electrical power. We figured there was some type of outage in our area, so we closed the office and decided that we would each work from home.

At home it was the same thing, no cell phone service, no landline phone service, no Internet. When worse comes to worse with power outages here in Santa Cruz County, I take my laptop to the Coffee Cat in Scotts Valley, the next town over with more reliable PG&E service. When I arrived at the Coffee Cat, they had no service either and told me that it was out for all of Santa Cruz County.

Since I could not do any business, I thought I would take care of some personal chores and then try to go back to work again in an hour. First, I drove to the tile store to pay a deposit on an order. When I got there, they could not process my credit card, so I had to fill out a long form with all the pertinent information on it. They said they would enter the information as soon as they were back online.

Next I drove to another tile store that had some stuff the first one did not. When I tried to pay for my purchase there, they requested a check. Fortunately, I had my check book.

Next stop was the garden center to get some tomato plants. The garden store could accept credit cards, but there was a delay.

At this point, I went back to my office, but still no land line, no cell phone, and no Internet connection. I figured I would drive to Mountain View, the heart of the Silicon Valley, about an hour away. Surely Mountain View would have Internet access at one of the coffee shops. It was inconceivable that the Silicon Valley would not have Internet access.

I had to add gas to my car for this trip. At the gas station, it was cash only. Fortunately, I had enough cash.

When I started driving on highway 17, though, it was all jammed up, stop and go. At that rate, it would take two hours to get to Mountain View (and it did). In the car, I heard the news from the radio station: Somewhere in San Jose, underneath a manhole cover, the AT&T fiber optic lines had been cut. Intentionally.

Okay. Our office phone lines used AT&T and our Internet Service Provider uses AT&T as well. But our cell phones were based on Verizon. So why weren't the cell phones working? Verizon was leasing lines from AT&T. So Verizon's service went down when the AT&T lines were cut.

By 4 p.m., I was seated at Peet's Coffee on El Camino and Castro in Mountain View, finally back online, finally with cell phone service, and finally able to do some work in the remains of the day -- just one hour.

I did not arrive until 4 p.m. because there were two accidents on highway 17 on opposite sides of the highway (one Northbound and one Southbound). Both occurred at the summit and both involved overturned cars. The emergency responders were delayed due to the phone outages and finally managed to deal with the problem six hours after the crashes occurred.

It was not a very productive day and AT&T is responsible. There are a number of serious public policy questions that arise from this experience. It is obvious that the sabotage was perpetrated by someone who knew where the fiber lines aggregated, who knew how to get access, and who knew the best way to do so without detection. The perpetrator(s) was organized, had a plan, executed the plan very well, and had an escapte.

#1 why didn't AT&T have automatic failover for their outage?
#2 why didn't the Internet traffic get routed around the failure?
#3 what security does AT&T have in place to prevent such acts of sabotage? Why did the security system(s) fail?
#4 what would happen if there were a more extensive plan of sabotage so that all of Northern California would be affected? How long could the general public wait for the service to be restored? How soon would each individual's supply of cash on hand actually last? How long before we have a social breakdown?

Did AT&T provide answers to these questions? No. Did the press call AT&T on the carpet and demand answers to these questions? No.

The press ran a story that no AT&T customers should expect a refund on their bills because the outage did not last more than 24 hours. This story ran repeatedly.

The press completely missed the big story about the extreme fragility, lack of security and vulnerability of our communications infrastructure. There have been no public hearings, no investigation, and of course no follow up.

There are no suspects and no arrests for the act of sabotage, and there's been no follow up in the press.

Some individuals in the communications industry are speculating that this is just a warm up for a real terrorist attack. Alternatively, it serves as an example of what could happen in Northern California if we had a serious earthquake.

AT&T's performance is not acceptable. They failed in their most basic mission. The corporation should be dissolved.

Why Contractors are Like Professional Athletes

2009-04-04T11:24:00.001-07:00

Our contractor has postponed our bathroom remodeling project twice in the last 14 months.

I think contractors live in some kind of fantasy world. They are the stars. They are the talent. They have unlimited demand for their services. They can charge whatever they want. They are paid to play with cool power tools. They are paid to do what others do as an unpaid hobby.

Contractors and professional athletes -- they have a lot in common.

Here are excerpts from an email I received today from our contractor's wife / business manager/ agent. The wife's comments are in purple, the color of royalty. My comments are in black italics; the color reserved for peons.

We leave tomorrow for our four week vacation trip; it has been altered considerably due to civil unrest in Thailand.

Hhm... let me see.. my last four week vacation was in 1989, but the contractor and his family take one every year.

My goodness it was so thoughtless of the Thai People's Alliance for Democracy to demand an end to corruption and restoration of democratic rule by shutting down the airport. Obviously they did not realize that American contractors and their families had reservations for five star hotels in Bangkok. They should stop protesting and get back to work as maids and busboys for the multinational corporations serving American tourists.

We are now going to Mexico instead.

Oh my God... four weeks vacation in Mexico during the winter that is such a hardship. Damn those Thais.

We would like to meet with you on the morning of ---. to go over last minute details and drop off tools. Will this work for you?

Of course, I have been waiting only fourteen months so if --- is the date, I will drop everything to be the bag carrier for the contractor's tools.

Also effective at the start of 2009, his hourly rate is $45/ hr

So nice of you to give me notice of his 50% wage increase. Let's see I have not had a raise since 2001. The unemployment rate including those who are too discouraged to look is 12.5%. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported the lowest overall numbers for construction jobs last month in the past four years! But what the hell... raise your rates... enjoy your fantasy.

and we will need a 10K deposit before he commences work.

Hhmmm... well according to the California Contractors State License Board:

The down payment cannot be more than one thousand dollars ($1,000) or 10 percent of the contract price, whichever is less, for a home improvement job.

No, you don't get to bypass state law by calling it a "deposit" instead of a "down payment".

Also, according to the California Contractors State License Board pamphlet for consumers (page 16):

Scheduling the Payments
Make sure the payment schedule is based on the contractor’s performance. Never let your
payments get ahead of the contractor’s work, and make sure the contract provides for a
“retention” — a percentage of each payment or of the total job, ordinarily 10 percent, which
you retain until the job is complete.

-------
So that is what the law says, but I am sure that plenty of people are lined up, panting, checkbook in hand, for these contractors.

What mystifies me is that the jobs for software engineers are moving overseas, but contractor jobs, which require skill, but not as much skill as a software engineers, remain wanting.

I get that athletes like Tiger Woods or Shaquille O'Neal are the best in the world and that the fans want to pay really big bucks to watch them play sports. But how does this work for contractors?

Excessive Use of Adjectives on AM Radio

2009-04-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

As I was driving North on California Highway One, all the traffic came to a halt near Aptos. I figured I better turn on the radio and try to get a traffic report to find out what was going on.
I found an AM station reporting that a big rig truck had a tire blow out, slid across the freeway, and burst into flames. So, we were going to be stuck a while.

While I was channel hopping to find a radio station with the news, I caught portions of conversations between the radio host and the callers. There was a very strange phenomenon occurring. The callers seem to have a fascination with long strings of adjectives. For example, one caller described a lawyer as a double decaf latte drinking, granola eating, Volvo driving, Eastern, liberal. Okay. I could visualize that person, and I probably know a lawyer who has most of those characteristics. However, the story and the conversation stopped there. The string of adjectives seemed to be the point. The caller seemed quite pleased with himself for coming up with the description. The host said something complimentary and moved on to the next caller.

Huh? Where is the plot? Where is the action? Where is the denouement? Where is the conclusion?

How about this:

The double decaf latte drinking, granola eating, Volvo driving, Eastern, liberal lawyer walked into the court room and made his closing arguments in his defense of his client, the accused child molester. As a public defender, this was his ninth time defending a child molester and the unseemliness of the whole process was wearing him down. He finished his summation and quickly drove home. In the quietness of his kitchen, he poured himself a Jack Daniels straight up and sat at the kitchen table gulping it down, staring out the window at the brick wall of the office building next door. He finished the drink, pulled his revolver out of the kitchen drawer, inserted it into his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

Okay. That was depressing. But at least it was a story. I challenge the AM radio callers to come up with more than a string of adjectives.

But then, the traffic started moving again, and I, the Darjeeling tea drinking, bicycle riding, Western, independent, married, software company president, turned off the radio and concentrated on driving back to my office where I could continue to ponder ways to attract, develop, motivate, and retain highly talented employees.

"Loving Frank"

2009-03-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading "Loving Frank" by Nancy Horan. It is a fictionalized account of a real-world event, the relationship between Frank Lloyd Wright and Mamah Borthwick Cheney, from about 1900 to 1912. Frank and Mamah were married, but not to each other. Mamah's husband gave her a divorce, but Frank's wife would not give him one. Regardless, Frank and Mamah continued their scandalous relationship, as both of them were "free thinkers" wanting to do what they wanted to do. Unfortunately they both had children -- a total of nine children. The children paid a high price for Frank and Mamah's free thinking.

I found this book so intriguing that I could not put it down. It did make me wonder about the history of divorce. Obviously at the turn of the 20th century, divorce was considered an unthinkable, shameful act, suggesting a failure of moral character on the part of the individuals involved. I wonder when and how that outlook changed to the extent that today, divorce is common, and considered unfortunate, but not usually shameful?

Our Inner Ape

2009-01-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading "Our Inner Ape" by Frans de Waal, a primatologist, with expertise in all varieties of apes -- chimpanzees, gorillas, monkeys, bonobos. I had never heard of bonobos before I read the book. Well... I recommend learning about them. All popular ideas about "survival of the fittest", and competition, etc. can now be discarded. All of the apes have developed cultures and societies that work for them. They take care of their sick and wounded. They compete and they cooperate. Some are matriarchies. All have complex ways of handling and resolving conflict.

I found the most interesting idea in the book the notion that humans could be considered the neotenous branch of the ape family. This means that the adults of our species retain attributes of the juveniles. When compared to other apes, we have spare body hair and enlarged heads. We also seem to retain a capacity for learning and curiosity more characteristic of children.

My only criticism of the book is that I do not see how de Waal is practicing the scientific method, specifically the requirement to collect data through objective observation. It seems that de Waal interjects the human perspective throughout his observations, rendering him a non-objective observer. However, this was intended to be a popular book for the general public, so perhaps the details were omitted.

Contractors -- can't live without them and cant kill them

2008-12-08T18:16:00.000-08:00

Men and Trains

2008-08-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

The California Trolley and Railroad Corporation, www.ctrc.org, is having their volunteer recognition dinner this evening. I plan to attend (as a spouse of a volunteer).

This is a wonderful organization that is dedicated to restoring steam locomotives. I have attended some of their meetings. The meetings are usually all male, and the men are usually over 40 years old. They are really dedicated to their trains. They know a lot about them and they seem to be fascinated by their inner workings.

These men track the history of these trains. They know about the updates and retrofits. They spend weekends cleaning off layers of grease on parts and repainting them.

So what exactly is the appeal of these old trains? I think we live in an electronic age, but prior to that we lived in a mechanical age. Mechanical engineering is a wonder and that's what fascinates them.

The Diving Bell and the Buttterfly - a film about the Fabulous French Medical System

2008-08-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

The idea of this film is much more interesting and beautiful than the reality of this film. It is not a very good story, although it has wonderful cinematography and Mathieu Almaric is an excellent actor with great allure.

So, how can the idea be so much better than the reality?

The film is based on the auto-biography of a well-known, successful French man who has a massive stroke and becomes completely paralyzed and only has the use of one eye to blink. He is only 43 years old and has three children. He never married the mother of his children and he seems to have lots of affairs. He is self-centered and kind of a jerk. His name is Jean-Do.

I have not read the auto-biography, but it apparently sold well in France. Assuming the book and film are roughly equivalent, then to what do we attribute the success of the book and the subsequent film?

The general public loves to see the high and mighty, the rich and successful, fall down. I think that's it. Jean-Do had everything; he lost everything. Most of us have a little and aspire to more; so we love it when the haves don't have it anymore.

Jean-Do provides few meaningful insights into his condition nor does he have anything terribly inspirational to say. What can you say when you have lived a life of selfishness? Well he does say "I screwed up. I was selfish and now I cannot make it up to anyone anymore." So he has deep regret. That's something.

Jean-Do decides to write a book, communicating letter by letter, with eye blinks, to an extremely patient secretary who writes it all down. At least near the end, he tried to do something productive and not abuse and belittle the staff.

The real story of this film is the fabulously fantastic French medical system. Jean-Do had excellent medical care. He had specialists, neurologists, physical therapists, speech therapists. The hospital is in Calais, on the French coast, with its stunning views. No one in his family is on the phone to Aetna, Humana, Healthnet, arguing over the bills, the copayments, the mistakes, and so on. He had his own private room. After his stroke, he only lived two years, and with all the doctors and staff attending him, the cost must have been close to $3 million.

Go France! Show us all how universal medical care can work!

Respect for Hillary

2008-06-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

I am disappointed that we will not have a female president in the near future. This is what I told my 81 year old father who asked me how I was doing.

My father laughed.

I do not feel that was an appropriate response. It was disrespectful. It was unsympathetic. It was tasteless.

My father is supporting John McCain. I respect my father's right to vote for the presidential candidate that he feels will be best.

If and when John McCain loses the presidential election, I am sure my father will be disappointed. He might express his disappointment that a man who served his country honorably in Viet Nam and was a POW for more than five years will not become president.

I will not laugh at that. I will say that, yes, it is disappointing that someone who suffered so much for his country was not judged by the majority of Americans to be the best person to be president.

I respect John McCain. I respect his contribution to his country. I respect his patriotism. It is my personal judgment that he is not the right person to be president of the U.S. But I will not laugh at those who think he is.

I do not understand this lack of respect for Hillary Clinton. She is a very well-qualified, accomplished woman. She is a U.S. Senator. These are the facts.

I do not understand how Hillary's detractors could show up at her public events with signs that say "Iron My Shirt." Presumably the sign meant that Hillary should "know her place" and not be an "uppity woman" and focus her attention on housework, like ironing. The detractors are ignorant of the law since the 1964 Civil Rights Act guaranteed women equal employment, allowing them to become U.S. Senators and run for President.

The issue of equality and respect is an important one.

Did Barack Obama's detractors show up at his public events with signs that said "Shine My Shoes, Boy." No they did not. We would have been appalled. That would have been racist. We are better than that. We respected Barack Obama. So, why isn't Hillary entitled to the same respect? Why is okay to be sexist, but not okay to be racist?

Not a laughing matter - Hillary Clinton's Presidential Candidacy

2008-06-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

I recently spoke with my 81 year old father who asked me how I was doing.

I told him I was disappointed that we would not have a female president for the next four years.

My father laughed.

I do not feel that was an appropriate response. It was disrespectful. It was unsympathetic. It was tasteless.

My father is supporting John McCain. I respect my father's right to vote for the candidate that he feels will be best.

If and when John McCain loses the presidential election, I am sure my father will be disappointed. When we talk again after that event, my father might express his disappointment that a fine and noble man who served his country honorably in Viet Nam and was a POW for more than five years will not become president.

I will not laugh at that. I will say that, yes, it is disappointing that someone who suffered so much for his country was not judged by the majority of Americans to be the best person to be president.

I respect John McCain. I respect his contribution to his country. I respect his patriotism. It is my personal judgment that he is not the right person to be president of the U.S. But I will not laugh at those who think he is.

Oh the Joys of Being an American Express Merchant

2008-04-29T15:08:00.000-07:00

I am sure that the presidents of large corporations like American Express do not lay awake at night figuring out how they can undermine and depress the presidents of smaller corporations like InterWorking Labs.

I suppose, like all of us, it is a real challenge for American Express to recruit, develop, and retain capable staff.

It would be nice if they could correct their mistakes in a timely manner, though.

================================

April 21, 2008

Mr. William H. Glenn

President

Establishment Services North America

American Express

P.O. Box 53601

Phoenix, AZ 85072

Dear Mr. Glenn,

Thank you very much for your letter of August 3, 2007 welcoming us as a new merchant for American Express cards. After six months, we have found that our customers prefer to pay with American Express and our business has increased as a result of this.

We are having a little difficulty with your staff in determining best practices for reconciliation of our American Express account. Specifically, we are having a difficult time matching up the transactions from our online Wells Fargo bank statement with each American Express transaction in our online store/backend.

When reviewing our online bank statement, we see entries for "American Express Settlement". Each of these entries has a date, an amount, our American Express merchant number and another mysterious number that is unique for each transaction. The mysterious unique number is six digits long and starts with 08.

We called American Express Merchant Services. We talked to "Kimberlin" at 800.528.5200 option 1, then 1 again.

Kimberlin advises that it is up to the merchant to keep track of his own transactions. We thanked her for that information and told her that we, in fact, were keeping track of the transactions. We further advised Kimberlin that we were trying to figure out how to match up the information from our online store/backend processor with what appears to be a unique six-digit American Express number on our Wells Fargo bank statement, and that we could not find any connection.

Kimberlin advised us that American Express would not disclose its customers' credit card numbers. We thanked her for that information, and told her that we, in fact, were not asking for customer credit card numbers, nor were we recording those numbers, and that we were simply looking for a way to reconcile the bank statement information with our American Express credit card transactions.

Kimberlin advised us that it was not possible to match American Express transaction information with bank statement information. This time we did not thank her for that information, but told her that we were positive that she was wrong. We pointed out that in Venice in 1494, Luca Pacioli, introduced the concept of double-entry accounting, which was widely adopted by all of Western civilization and is incorporated in GAAP and FASB in the United States.

In our situation, double-entry accounting means that if we have 100 transactions on March 25 for $1527.00, and we have recorded this in our online store, THEN, we should be able to look at our bank deposit activity and also find 100 deposits on March 25 or 26 for $1527.00 credited to our account. We explained that double-entry accounting is a fundamental concept that allows checks and balances to exist, and helps eliminate accounting errors.

We asked Kimberlin to explain to us what would happen if we recorded 100 transactions on March 25 for $1527.00 each, but our Wells Fargo bank statement reflected 95 transactions on March 25 for $1527.00 each. How would we figure out what transactions were missing?

Kimberlin said that in that case we would call American Express Merchant Services and we would go through every single transaction until we identified, on the phone, the missing transactions.

At this point, I requested that Kimberlin have her manager call me. However, I felt that while I wait for the manager’s reply, I should contact you. The reason I am contacting you is that I would like to invite you to contemplate, along with me, some really large merchants with very high volume, for example, Amazon.com. Do you think that Amazon.com, which might have, oh, 4,500 transactions for the same amount in a single day, and finds that their online bank shows only 4,439 transactions for the same amount in a single day, is going to call up American Express and go through each transaction, one by one, on the phone? I find that extremely doubtful.

Perhaps you could crack the code for us on how other merchants do this reconciliation? I am sure it has something to do with that six-digit number starting with 08.

Thanks for your help on this.

Sincerely yours,

Chris Wellens

President & CEO

Yes... packs of Harleys ARE illegal in California

2008-04-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

This morning a very large gaggle of Harley Davidsons roared past our house in our normally quiet neighborhood. The noise was deafening. About 50 motorcycles! It went on for several minutes. My husband called the police. This is the Santa Cruz, California Police (Telephone +1.831.471.1131).

My husband reached Bill, the police officer on dispatch duty. Bill listened to the complaint and said there was nothing he could do about it because "riding a motorcycle is not illegal". Just then another wave of 50 Harleys passed through, my husband had to speak more loudly and Bill told my husband to "stop shouting". Bill refused to give his last name. He just gave a number, #582, but he refused to explain what the number was -- his badge number? his employee ID number?

Bill is right that riding a motorcycle is not illegal.

But Bill is wrong in that the riders are engaging in an illegal activity. Specifically, they are riding illegal bikes and violating a city ordinance and a California vehicle code:

(1) The Harley Davidson motorycles they are riding are not lawful vehicles; they are modified to produce more noise, specifically 116 decibels. The noise exceeds the legal decibel level permitted according to California Vehicle Code 27202 (80 decibels). Therefore, they are not driving lawful vehicles.

(2) Santa Cruz Ordinance 9.36.020 Section B restricts the amount of noise a person can make:

"9.36.020 UNREASONABLY DISTURBING NOISES. No person shall make, cause, suffer or permit to be made any noises or sounds (a) which are unreasonably disturbing or physically annoying to people of ordinary sensitiveness or which are so harsh or so prolonged or unnatural or unusual in their use, time or place as to cause physical discomfort to any person, and (b) which are not necessary in connection with an activity which is otherwise lawfully conducted..."

The key point here is section (b). Riding a motorcycle is normally a lawful activity; riding a motorcycle modified to make noise that violates that California vehicle code is unlawful.

It is a $100 fine. With 100 Harley riders that would have been $10,000 in fines had the police been doing their job this morning.

Under another theory, an organized group of Harley Davidson riders occupying most of the street is a parade or an assembly, and that requires a permit, and while I am unable to check (since it is a Saturday), I am 99% certain that they do not have a permit.

So why doesn't Bill, the dispatch police officer, understand this? Did Bill get poor police training from the Santa Cruz police department? Did our California educational system fail him?

Since "repetition is the key to learning", please call the phone number above at the Santa Cruz police department, and ask the police what they plan to do about enforcing the law regarding these illegal bikes and the deafening noise they produce that violates both California law and the City of Santa Cruz ordinance.

Thanks!

PG&E: Pathetic Gas & Electric

2008-01-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

Supposedly I live in one of the most technically advanced nations on earth. I certainly pay taxes as if I do. So why is it that here in Santa Cruz County a mere rain storm with some wind knocks out the power? And, why is it that PG&E cannot restore the power within 24 hours?

My home has had no electricity since January 4th at 10 a.m. It is now January 5th at 3:30 p.m. That's 29 1/2 hours without electricity. YES, twenty-nine and one half hours! YES, a day and a half ! And it is still off!

My office was without electricity from January 4th at 9 a.m. until January 4th at 11:00 p.m. That's fourteen hours.

I grabbed my laptop and drove to the nearest coffee shop with wireless Internet access. The coffee shop was so crowded, it wasn't even standing room only. People were outside with their laptops under the awnings in the pouring rain, running off batteries trying to hook up to the Internet. I went to two other locations -- same thing. So I gave up.

By the way, I also spent $27,000 last year installing solar panels on my roof to generate electricity. However, for the last 29 1/2 hours the inverter cannot generate the power because it won't operate unless the power grid is up.

Here I am, a concerned citizen, using solar panels to generate my own power and provide the excess to PG&E, yet Pathetic Gas & Electric still cannot deliver the electricity.

I think it is time to organize a revolution.

Power to the People!

Last ten years of Silicon Valley now immortalized

2007-12-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

I just watched "Here Comes another Bubble" a satirical video posted on YouTube, produced by The Richter Scales, a San Francisco Bay Area a capella group.

This absolutely captures Silicon Valley perfectly and is absolutely the best thing I have seen on YouTube.

Rest in Peace: Moliere Auerbach 1997 - 2007

2007-11-07T08:35:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, November 1, 2007, we had to make a terrible decision. As Dr. Janet Brennan, our veterinarian said: "It is the most difficult choice for you, but the best choice for your pet".

Moliere Auerbach, our beloved cat, had renal failure beyond hope.

I keep my mind focussed on what a great cat he was.
He was both prey and predator. As prey he successfully avoided the
coyotes, mountain lions, and the traffic in front of our house that
had gotten many of his predecessors. As a predator he was awesome.
He came home every night with a mouse. He tolerated his pesky little
brother. He never asked for much. He had a great life. We have
never had a cat get old enough to die of natural causes before. We
were good parents.

Karl and I conducted our own private funeral service. Moliere is buried on top of a little cliff in our back yard where he often perched to scout out unsuspecting mice. We recited Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar". It was a beautiful fall day, perfect for hunting, so it all seemed right.

Rest in Peace, Moliere. We loved you!

Mrs. Magoo Goes Touring in Her New BMW X3

2007-10-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Magoo needed a new car. She needed a car for hauling computers to tradeshows, for taking customers to lunch, and for the occasional ski trip. She looked at lots of cars. The Prius was too small. The Ford Escape and the Honda CRX had too hard of a ride (like a truck), the Toyota Highlander was absurdly expensive for what you got, the Lexus RX350 was too "girly".

What car should she get? Nothing seemed to fit.

Finally she decided on the BMW X3. Why? Because Mrs. Magoo really likes Cliff Gaston at BMW of Monterey. A few years back, Cliff helped Mr. Magoo lease his BMW 325ci and Mr. Magoo loves driving about in his midnight blue convertible.

Cliff is a straight shooter. He is helpful, knowledgeable, and could answer all of the Magoo's questions. Cliff knows the competition. Cliff also knows how to navigate through all the paperwork for lease deals. Cliff knows how to get the right accessories. Cliff is perfect. Cliff makes getting a new car a fun, smooth, and easy experience.

So Mrs. Magoo got a new BMW X3 from Cliff Gaston.

Then, Mr. and Mrs. Magoo drove the X3 from Santa Cruz to Mammoth Mountain in the Eastern Sierras.

First thing they noticed was the sun roof. The sun roof on the X3 is huge! Push a button and most of the top of the car slides backwards. Mrs. Magoo thought it was better than Mr. Magoo's convertible because the air wasn't whipping her hair in her face and messing up her makeup and lipstick. Mr. Magoo rolled his eyes and said it was hardly the same as his 325ci.

But then, Mrs. Magoo noticed that with Mr. Magoo in the front seat, she had to put her purse in the back. Not good! Mrs. Magoo used to drive a Dodge Caravan with floor space between the two front seats which made it very handy to put her purse there.

Then, sometimes if Mrs. Magoo had a lot of stuff in her purse and she put it on the passenger seat, the seat belt alarm went off! The X3 cannot tell the difference between a passenger and a purse. Sigh. Maybe German women do not carry purses?

By now it was getting dark on the way to Mammoth Mountain, and the next thing Mrs. Magoo noticed were the headlights. Oh my goodness, with the BMW headlights it was practically day time, and when she drove around the tight corners on the mountain pass, there was a kind of side light off the front fender that lit up the curve for better visibility. This was very nice because Mrs. Magoo does not have the best night vision. She loses her depth perception and everything gets kind of flat which is fairly dangerous. Thankfully the X3 has eliminated a lot of that danger.

Now the Magoos decided it would be nice to have some music. Mr. Magoo plugged in the iPod attachment and pushed the buttons. Strangely, the iPod attachment is behind the driver's seat, so after plugging in the cord, the only place to put the iPod is on the console between the front seats. This is very strange. It would be much more convenient to plug in the iPod from the glove compartment. But anyway, soon they were listening to Allison Krause.

Since Mrs. Magoo has "no sense of direction" as Mr. Magoo frequently points out, Mr. Magoo insisted that Mrs. Magoo's X3 have the navigation system.

Mrs. Magoo loves the nav system and the polite female voice telling her things like "in 600 feet turn left". Mrs. Magoo is a Very Important Person with a Lot on Her Mind, so she tends to miss exits and turns because she cannot be bothered with details. Now the polite female in the X3 gently reminds Mrs. Magoo about what to do next.

With Allison Krause singing, and the cold night hair coming in from the roof, and the beautiful stars in the night sky, the Magoos are really enjoying their ride. Suddenly a female voice screams "in 100 feet turn right". "ARRGH" both the Magoos scream and jump up two inches in their seats.

Well... ahem... it seems that there is no audio calibration between the iPod and the X3 nav system. Now how could BMW have possibly missed this? The Apple iPod folks and the BMW X3 folks have not had a "sit down" to plan how these two products should be integrated. Many very basic things are missing. For example, when listening to the radio, the BMW X3 displays the artist and the name of the song that is playing on the nav system screen. Apparently if the radio station broadcasts this information the BMW X3 can capture it and display it. The Apple iPod has the same information, but it is not displayed. Why not? Because there has been no "sit down".

Wake up Apple! Wake up BMW! Sit down and have coffee together.

Of course, the next thing that happened is Mrs. Magoo, having such a fright from the screaming voice, momentarily lost control of the car, but, in the nick of time, corrected the steering and the car was safely between the two white lines. Such a maneuver in her Dodge Caravan would surely have flipped that thing or caused it to fishtail. Although Mrs. Magoo never dreamed she would ever require the performance driving features of the X3, in this particular instance, she was glad the X3 responded so well.

After all of that, the Magoos turned off the navigation system and just listened to the iPod and Mr. Magoo decided he should drive for a while.

Mr. Magoo is a white knuckle driver with his hands on the steering wheel in an odd configuration. Instead of 10 and 2 o'clock, Mr. Magoo's hands are at 11:45 at 12:15. Mr. Magoo constantly "corrects" the steering. On other cars, such as the Dodge Caravan, if you move the steering wheel an inch to the right or an inch to the left, almost nothing happens. On the X3, however, slight changes in the steering wheel cause the car to instantly respond. Thus, if you happen to sit in the back seat with Mr. Magoo driving, you are definitely prone to vertigo and car sickness as you feel like you are being whipped all over the road.

Mrs. Magoo has looked for a button called "make the steering more sloppy" to press when Mr. Magoo is driving, but so far she has not found this.

The next day, the Magoos head out early. Early for them. At about 10 a.m. they see the sign that the Tioga Pass is closed. The Magoos walk around a bit, and then head over to the Sonora Pass. Oh this will be a long day of driving.

As Mrs. Magoo gets into the car to take over the driving, once again, the car frame hook scrapes her bottom. For some odd reason, the BMW X3 has a little hook in the frame exactly where one's bottom needs to be to get into the driver's seat. The only way to avoid it is to attempt to pivot forward from the hips when entering the car. Maybe German ladies have smaller derrieres? No. Mrs. Magoo has been to Munich and recalls viewing many ladies' bottoms more "fluffy" than her own.

Mrs. Magoo drives along the Sonora Pass pulling over frequently to admire the view. She notes a little "ding ding ding". Oh this is so delightful; the X3 gives a little warning when one is getting too close to the curb. Mrs. Magoo is quite embarrassed to admit that she has destroyed the tires on her other vehicles due to some poor judgments while parking. Now the X3 will help her with her parking challenges. Oh and another little surprise, the outside mirror on the passenger side tilts down while backing up. Something else to aid with the parking challenges. Very nice.

There are many other fine features on the X3 such as the marvelous interior bike rack that looks like a piece of fine modern sculpture from a fancy New York Art Museum. The Magoos have not used it quite yet.

All in all it was a fine motoring experience. If you would like to have one yourself, just contact Cliff Gaston.

End Game by Samuel Beckett

2007-08-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

I saw "End Game" by Samuel Beckett at Shakespeare Santa Cruz in August 2007. This was my second attempt at watching this play. My first attempt was ten years ago at Berkeley Rep, but my husband insisted on leaving during a break. I am glad I saw it a second time all the way through. I think I understand it now.

What tripped me up about the play was my visceral reaction, the first time, to the image of an elderly mother and father without legs, living inside garbage cans.

I was repulsed the first time.

The second time, I saw the wry humor of the situation. "End Game" in this play refers to the final stages of life. The next stage for the elderly couple was going to be death, so removing their legs and putting them in the garbage can was a humorous, and definitely undignified way, of demonstrating that they are going to die -- cut off at the legs, put out with the garbage -- life is done with them.

The elderly couple is financially supported by, and living with their blind son, Hamm, who is the unhappy protagonist of the play. Hamm abuses, manipulates and controls everyone around him, but never in a way to achieve his purpose. Hamm has a helper/aide/nurse named Clov. When Hamm's helper, Clov, leaves the room, Hamm comments to himself "I think we are getting along now." But they are not getting along because Hamm is unreasonably demanding and Clov wants to get out. Hamm asks Clov to kiss him on two or three occasions, but Clov refuses.

Hamm wants love, friendship, and compassion. Unfortunately, his behavior does not invite this response from those around him. It is a tragedy. It is the end. No one gets what they want in End Game. They all just die.

Total Immersion Improv Class - Second City Training Center - Los Angeles

2007-08-18T14:15:00.001-07:00

Last week, I participated in a five day improvisation class in Hollywood at the Second City Training Center.

I had the time of my life.

I feel like I was just introduced to the third level of consciousness -- "improv consciousness". There is the time when you sleep, the time when you are awake, and the time you are doing improv. While doing improv, I felt hyper-awake. It was like drinking cup after cup of espresso continuously for 96 hours. Bright lights emanated out of every pore of my skin. It was definitely a feeling I have never had before.

Our instructor was the Second City Artistic Director David Razowsky. He was beyond excellent -- he was an inspirational, master guru of improv instruction. Razowsky created a safe environment. He introduced us to all the elements of narrative improv. Like most people, I thought it was a matter of spontaneously coming up with pithy one-liners and getting a laugh. I was wrong. This was all about emotionally connecting with our partner and responding to our partner. Razowsky coached us, supported us, and encouraged us. He learned all of our names and all of our strengths and weaknesses.

I got an amazing amount of individual attention and personal coaching, as did my classmates. Razowsky also followed all the principles for teaching adults -- minimize the lectures, get the students doing exercises with each other, mix it up. He also focussed on the zen of the moment. We would try something, and if it did not work, we felt it experientially, and Razowsky let it go and moved on to the next thing. So there were no scoldings, reprimands, lectures, just gentle reminders.

For the week of our Total Immersion class, I felt every human emotion deeply, strongly and intensely. It was hard to shake the feeling when class ended. I had social events to attend with my husband every night, and while I was physically present, my brain was consumed with what had happened during the day, replaying all the moments, trying new things, creating new characters. I got very little sleep -- how does one sleep when one is doing the emotional equivalent of chain-drinking espresso?

I also developed a completely new view of actors. I made an assumption that temperamental, emotional, and insecure people go into acting. Now I realize that it is the work of acting that makes them that way. They are putting everything into their performance. It is a lot to demand of them, it is a lot to expect of them, and it is personally devastating when it is not appreciated.

It is also completely exhausting.

By Thursday I was really dragging and making lots of mistakes. I had a huge number of business commitments on Thursday night and Friday. I tried, but I could not rearrange them, and I could not make it to the last day of the class and our big ensemble performance.

I was very disappointed.

BUT... I am just going to figure out how I can go back for more. I am hooked!

Rupert Murdoch has ruined my life

2007-07-27T18:47:00.000-07:00

I am sure he did not intend to ruin my life, but Rupert Murdoch has done just that. He has removed the major source of joy and happiness in my life. How did he do it? Well unfortunately he purchased Direct TV in 2003. Direct TV is my satellite television provider.

Satellite television is fantastic. The picture quality is great. Beyond that, there *WAS* a great, fabulous relationship between Tivo and Direct TV. Tivo automatically finds and digitally records your favorite tv shows, films, etc. Tivo finds and records shows by title, actor, director, genre, or keyword.

While that might not sound like much, try to imagine coming home after an extremely grueling day, to find that the Tivo has recorded a movie that you never heard of, that you never knew existed, and that, had you known about it, you would have wanted to watch.

For example, the Tivo heuristically discovers that film noir is your favorite type of film. Now, you can forget about your dreadful day and become totally and completely absorbed in watching this wonderful film noir film that the Tivo found and recorded for you. I loved this. It was the second source of joy and happiness in my life (my husband is the first). I spent many lovely and pleasurable hours watching new films, introduced to me by the Tivo, that gave me such happiness.

Rupert Murdoch took that away from me.

Shortly after taking control of Direct TV, Rupert Murdoch determined that Direct TV should retain all the profits associated with its operation. This meant that Direct TV would not license or pay royalties to Tivo. Instead Direct TV customers were required to shop at the "Company Store" and purchase new digital video recorders that were manufactured according to Direct TV specifications and controlled by Brand Murdoch.

I was forced to purchase one. It is completely awful. The user interface is so awful, it could be a textbook example of poor user interface design. The feature set is abysmal. Reliability is awful; we often have to power cycle the unit to play back movies. Of course, these new, feature-poor DVRs are little more than VCRs that record to disk instead of tape. I guess that was easy for Rupert Murdoch to understand. He has insufficient imagination to appreciate the advanced features that customers like me had so thoroughly enjoyed and utilized.

Of course, Rupert Murdoch had to have some excuse to appear to be running Direct TV in an open and fair manner. Direct TV points out that one can still use a Tivo with a Direct TV box. Let's examine that carefully.

When the satellite transmits the signal, your local satellite receiver, the Direct TV box receives the signal, decompresses the signal, and displays the signal on your television. If you are using a Tivo, the Tivo receives the decompressed satellite signal from the Direct TV box, and then recompresses the signal to store it on disk. Then when you, the viewer, want to watch the program, the Tivo has to decompress the signal to display it on your television. Thus the Tivo has to do an extra step to compress and decompress the signal. The constant decompressing and recompressing results in a reduced quality image when you view it on television.

Prior to Rupert Murdoch's unconscionable meddling, the satellite box and the Tivo functionality were integrated, this meant there was no unnecessary decompression and recompression. (previously the integrated unit recorded the satellite feed and decompressed it once for your television). Thus, prior to Rupert Murdoch, the Tivo image quality on your television was excellent.

So what does the FCC have to say about this? The FCC does not see Rupert Murdoch as a monopolist, because the FCC maintains that consumers have many choices with television. The FCC tells me that I could always obtain cable television instead of satellite, so that I have freedom of choice. Despite their absurd propaganda, cable television is inferior to satellite television in terms of image quality. Thus, in my opinion, I do not have a choice. The FCC is incorrect, and I am stuck with Rupert Murdoch's pathetic DVR.

I personally think that Rupert Murdoch has worn out his welcome, and he and his absurb trophy wife, Wendy Deng, should high tail it back to Australia and live out their lives in oblivion, something they richly deserve.

Immigration is not the Problem... it is the Solution to the Problem

2007-07-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

My company, InterWorking Labs (www.iwl.com) moved its corporate headquarters about three weeks ago. When we organized the move, Locatelli Movers, the best and most reliable, local moving company was not available. So we did what most small businesses do when we have a logistics/physical/operations type problem -- we contacted our general purpose contractor - handyman, Mac.

Mac said "Sure no problem." On the day of the move, Mac showed up with six guys and a truck to facilitate the move of our corporate headquarters. Mac had to leave for two hours that day due to a medical emergency and he forgot to designate one of the six muscle men to be the crew leader.

So there was a little chaos. I tried to check in from time to time, but I had a few emergencies myself. I was able to give the move my full attention during Mac's two hour absence.

I noticed that the hardest working, most cheerful, most focussed of the six men doing the move was Pedro. From his accent and appearance, Pedro is obviously from Mexico. The other five were white guys. The white guys took more breaks, had more excuses, and generally dicked around and wasted more time than Pedro.

Whether he is legal or illegal, it is clear to me that Pedro is an immigrant who is on a mission. He wants to do a job well; he wants to be recognized; he wants to get paid fair wages; he wants to achieve a lot in the United States. Pedro is the best thing that can possibly happen to a small business like mine and I also believe he is the best thing that can happen to America.

Now, I hope that Pedro is legally working in the United States. I do not know Pedro's immigration status; he is Mac's employee and not mine, and I don't know what kind of arrangement Mac has with him.

However, when Mac got back, I told Mac, in front of Pedro (and not the others), that in my opinion, Pedro was Mac's best guy by a long shot. Mac said, in front of Pedro (and not the others) that Mac knew Pedro was his best guy and he really appreciated Pedro, his work ethic and his can-do attitude. I hope that made Pedro's day and I hope that Mac gave him a bonus.

All of us need encouragement, support, and motivation. Sometimes motivation comes from competition. Immigrants are competition. They are a reminder that we have it good here and that other people in other countries are in such dire circumstances that they will risk their lives for an opportunity to get to the United States. Immigrants are grateful for an opportunity to work. These are the people that small businesses want to hire, coach, support, develop, and promote.

Native born Americans graduating in the top 25% of their college class are also highly motivated and hard working, but they want to work for major corporations. Small businesses just cannot get them. The native born Americans who are available to small businesses tend to be the young people who graduated in the bottom 25% of their college class, who have an attitude of entitlement, a poor work ethic, and high expectations. (Several years ago, we hired one of these individuals. He was fired within 60 days. We then saw his resume posted online with his stated career goal: "I want a salary of $1 million and I want to work in a laid back, casual environment.") Of course, this is a completely ridiculous statement to make to a potential employer, particularly when the individual has no track record or marketable skills. I prefer to hire someone like Pedro.

The proponents for immigration reform complain that the illegal immigrants are a burden on our social services. The illegal immigrants use social services (for example, their children attend the public schools) without paying for them through taxes, because of course, they are working illegally and not paying taxes on their income. I agree that is a problem. However, in the list of challenges confronting the United States -- the war in Iraq, the relationship with Iran and with North Korea, the problems in Israel, the global health care issues -- I would put illegal immigration at maybe #80 or #90 on the list. This means it is a problem that will never be solved.

So, assuming Pedro is illegal (and we don't really know), what do we get in return for Pedro's presence? We get competition, we get motivation, we get lazy Americans to wake up and smell the coffee. In my opinion, this is extremely important and more than compensates for having their children in the public schools. I would conservatively guess that the presence of illegal workers from Mexico in the U.S. increases Gross Domestic Product by 25 - 35%. That's huge.

I have to conclude that the Pedros of the world are not the problem; they are the solution.

Trained in the Ways of Men

2007-03-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

The world premiere of the documentary film, "Trained in the Ways of Men", debuted at Cinquest in San Jose last week. There's a collage of interviews with the many players in our social system who are supposed to educate, support, and lead our youth to becoming fully functional, productive adults. Obviously, they all failed badly in preventing the brutal murder of Gwen Araujo, a transgendered woman. Everyone involved had an opportunity to present his/her perspective on the horrible tragedy, including Gwen's mother, the prosecuting attorney, the defense attorneys, high school counsellors, university sociologists, and so on.

I learned a lot from the documentary. I did not realize that transgendered people are so psychologically committed to their preferred sex that in their minds they are that sex even though the physical evidence suggests otherwise. So in her mind, a transgendered woman is not engaging in deceit when she flirts with a man in a bar.

I found myself wondering how many transgendered people are among us? The popuation of the U.S. is roughly 300 million. Homosexuals are estimated at 10% of that population or 30 million. So what is the number of transgendered? The film did not address this.

I also found the film very thought provoking and educational in that it addresses and explains the transgendered individual, whereas other films have treated the subject solely as an entertainment vehicle. These are films like "The Crying Game", "Boys Don't Cry", "Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert", "Transamerica", and "Hedwig and the Angry Inch".

I hope that Shelly Prevost, the director of the film, will do a little more editing, and find an appropriate commercial distribution channel. It would be a good film for high school students to learn many important lessons about sexuality and responsibility concerning sexuality.

I understand that California no longer accepts the "gay panic" defense as an excuse for murder as a result of this murder and the efforts to bring these issues to light.

One solution to software licensing issues

2007-02-27T12:21:00.000-08:00

There is so much mis-information about software licensing, that I have figured out a way to side step at least one of the issues.

My employer, InterWorking Labs, makes a high end test suite (or tester) for testing the SNMP protocol. We call it SilverCreek, the official SNMP Test Suite (see www.iwl.com).

Often what happens when you license software is that the prospective customer's Legal/Purchasing Departments make some assumptions. They assume that the software is going to become a component of the company's manufactured products. Thus, they want guarantees, assurances, commitments, etc. about the licensed software, because of the risk of incorporating software from a third party on 10,000 or 100,000 units per month. From their point of view, if some aspect of the software is found to be infringing on some patent, they would be subject or at risk for millions of dollars of damages for all the products they shipped. It is a very valid concern and they are quite correct in being very vigilant. It is obviously a very serious risk and they should do everything possible to prevent it.

In our case, our software is installed on a Windows, Linux, or Solaris machine and used as a piece of test equipment in the lab. It sends pathological packets (tests) to the device under test and evaluates the results as a PASS, FAIL, UNINTIATED, etc. This way our customer can find and fix bugs in the protocol implementation of their product prior to shipping their product to the general public.

Our software, SilverCreek, is NOT incorporated in the customer's manufacturered product.

All the ideas in SilverCreek, all the software we developed was our own original work so we are not worried about patent infringement. However, the Patent and Trademark Office has issued patents for some questionable inventions, so it is always possible they will inappropriately grant a patent on something that is obvious or predates the application and then there will be a problem. However, if this happened, we would find a work-around and supply that to the customer. It is a very small risk.

Nevertheless, the Legal/Purchasing Departments demand $100,000 worth of insurance and contract negotation for a matter that is less than $5,000. So what is the solution?

Package the software on cheap hardware. Then, the purchase goes through a different route within the big company. It becomes a "commodity" purchase, and it drives home the fact that SilverCreek is, essentially, a piece of test equipment.

If you step back and look at the big picture, almost everything you purchase has software in it -- cars, trucks, watches, radios, kitchen range hoods, can openers, pencil sharpeners, etc. The purchasing department does not enter into a complex negotiation regarding the software licensing issues when they buy a pencil sharpener, so why should SilverCreek be any different? The answer is package it in a piece of hardware and then it is over.

IP Lawyers in our area charge about $300 per hour, so two hours of one is the equivalent of a Dell laptop.

Just a thought.

Standing up for Tea Drinkers

2007-01-06T06:49:00.000-08:00

Today is day 69 of our kitchen remodeling project. I won't blog about it -- that's just too suburban, middle class, and dull.

This entry is about tea.

The dust and disarray from the remodelling project have taken their toll on my emotional health, so I checked into a Bed and Breakfast. Studies show 69 days is the absolute limit for living without cleanliness and tidiness; 100% of the population cracks up on day 70. I had to get out and the B&B was a quick solution.

I stayed at the Cliff Crest Inn at 407 Cliff Street near the boardwalk in Santa Cruz. I could write about the Cliff Crest, but it would just be redundant with the entry at http://www.cliffcrestinn.com/ and how many synonyms are there for charming? Answer: not that many and they connote witchcraft which would be way off base.

I stayed in the Apricot Room, it was pleasant, quiet, citrus-smelling. I heard a few sirens in the middle of the night, but very little traffic noise.

At breakfast in the morning, I was offered fresh persimmons from the garden, but unfortunately, I never acquired a taste for them, so I declined. Then I asked for tea. I did not see a kettle of hot water and only a few tea bags labelled "Lipton" in a small basket. This is not a good sign. I became very concerned.

Before I get into the horrors and terrors of Lipton tea, I know that hostesses prefer coffee drinkers. They are the majority and coffee is easier to serve and prepare. I used to be a coffee drinker. It is part of the my cultural heritage from the super cold North of my youth. Come in from the cold to a home, an office, a store in the Northland, and you are greeted with "How about a cup of coffee?" Afterall, you need to warm up so you say, "Sure." "You betcha."

One cup of coffee changes me for the worse. The very worse. Before your very eyes, a pleasant, soft-spoken woman transforms into an attack dog leaping for your jugular. After a few incidents with these unwelcomed, coffee-induced, personality changes, I switched to tea.

Tea is an acquired taste. Teas offer bouquets, like wine. The tea plant produces a flush of a full complement of leaves on the average of every 40 days. The flush of leaves is plucked and the gathering of the flushes is called a crop. The first flush of leaves in the Spring are the most tender and best tasting tea leaves. The second flush is less tasty. At the end, the tea leaves are tough and quite bitter.

I believe Lipton tea is made from the last flush, using the toughest and most bitter leaves. So if you want to offer the worst possible tea to a discerning tea drinker, serve Lipton and demonstrate to everyone that you are leading an inauthentic life.

When Plato described the cave imagery in the Republic, this is exactly what he had in mind. Plato said that in our quest for truth and beauty we are chained like slaves only seeing the shadows on the wall at the back of the cave. The real objects are behind us, illuminated by the light from the mouth of the cave, but we are only seeing the shadows on the back wall of the cave. Mere two-dimensional reflections, the shadows are sans light, sans color. Seeing the shadows are not even close to perceiving the true nature of the objects casting them.

Lipton tea is an inauthentic, insubstantial shadow of what true tea should be.

However, I am sorry to say the situation worsened. I asked "is there any other tea?" The hostess brought me a basket containing two kinds of green tea, chamomile tea, English Breakfast tea and one other herbal tea.

Ah... green tea. Huge health benefits. Very au courant in the Western world. Hugely variable quality. I have not developed a taste for it yet.

Chamomile tea. Great if you have a stomach ache or want to calm down and go to sleep. Not the type of tea to motivate you to get up and do what needs to be done first thing in the morning.

English Breakfast Tea. This tea could only be produced by the same country that offers you a piece of bread, fried to death, in grease from last night's dinner. (I am not making this up. I was offered this for breakfast on my first trip to England and I never set foot there again.) Strong tea but obviously also made from the last flush. If "flush" and "last" makes you think of the last thing in your body and a toilet, you would be having the right associations and images for this tea.

So, what should a Bed and Breakfast offer to their tea drinking guests?

Only teas using leaves from the first and second blush and these teas:

Darjeeling
Earl Grey
Hojicha (a roasted green tea)
Lapsang Souchong
Constant Comment (a general purpose orange pekoe)

In the herbal tea family:
Chamomile
Cranberry
Peach
Lemon

Constantin, the proprietor of the Cliff Crest, asked me if I enjoyed my stay enough to return. I said yes, but, I would actually only return if they provided the teas indicated above, or, I brought my own tea.

Gideon's Trumpet - beginning of the decline

2007-01-03T21:06:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Gideon's Trumpet by Anthony Lewis. The book is a sort of legal history of the famous Supreme Court Case, Gideon v. Wainwright. In this case, the Supreme Court decided that an indigent defendant, accused of a crime, would be appointed an attorney if he could not afford one.

The year was 1963.

Prior to this Supreme Court decision, it was up to each individual state to determine their policies and procedures for representation. In Florida, where Gideon was accused and convicted of a crime, he had to represent himself. Of course, he lost. While he was in prison, he figured out how to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court, and the Supreme Court decided to hear his case. As a result, the Supreme Court determined that the 6th and 14th amendment were intended to mean that all defendants must be represented by counsel in order to get a fair trial.

What I found interesting about this book was the absolute joy and enthusiasm that Anthony Lewis conveyed about the wonderful workings of the U.S. Judiciary system. He relishes the idea that a poor, somewhat pathetic man, like Clarence Earl Gideon, can have his day in court. Literally. Anthony Lewis is definitely an UBER fan of the U.S. system of government. He is almost like a sales person for the American judiciary.

The copyright on the book is 1963. Authors usually finish writing a book the year before the copyright, so probably Anthony Lewis finished it in 1962. In November of 1963, President John Kennedy was assassinated.

I don't think anyone has written a positive, enthusiastic book about the U.S. Government since.

We launch a new product -- Internet speedbump -- iSpeedbump

2006-11-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

Product launches are always an adventure. We finally got our new product "iSpeedbump" out the door. Since it is very different than our other products (network protocol test products), we thought it should have its own website: www.ispeedbump.com

Since "speedbump" was taken as a URL, we added the "i" for Internet speedbump. That's exactly what our new product does. It gives priority to classes of traffic for small offices and home offices.

So, if your teenagers are playing "Worlds of Warcraft" and you are trying to use VoIP to talk to your sister who is stationed in Lagos, Nigeria, you can give the voice traffic higher priority than the game traffic. If you have a website in your house and outside users are constantly downloading photos or home movies, you can give that much lower priority. So basically you are in control of what traffic gets what priorities.

Another version of iSpeedbump can go into your colo to help you manage the billing situation with your ISP. Many ISPs use the 95th percentile billing model. This means that if you are at all close to using your available bandwidth, you could have a big problem and get a much bigger monthly bill than you planned. ISPs check every few minutes to see if you are using more than the available bandwidth you contracted. If you are, but you are doing it less than 5% of the time, then no problem, but once you go over 5%, they put you in the next up billing category! So, instead of paying $300 per month for DSL, you get a bill for $1,000 because you went into T1 territory. So, how do you avoid that problem? iSpeedbump checks every few minutes just like the ISPs are doing, but unlike the ISPs, iSpeedbump will throttle back your traffic. That's right, iSpeedbump will intentionally slow it down so that you stay within the 5% limit. Keep in mind that it doesn't take much to get a big surge in traffic that puts you over. Good things can make it happen -- like a favorable story in the Wall Street Journal about you or your website. Or, bad things can make it happen -- like a scandal or negative news. You don't want to have to turn off your website, you just want to slow down access.

iSpeedbump is not for everybody, but for people who have the issues described above, it is great value for the money! Less than $500 for the little box. See www.ispeedbump.com.

Hemingway in Mendocino

2006-08-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

We drove to Mendocino last week. It is a different sort of coastal California here. The air is very clean. Black hawks fly above the ocean cliffs. Deers congregate on the nearby fields at dusk. I can see all this from our room at the Heritage House.

My husband and I are here for a few days to help his recuperation. He suffers from back injuries that prevent him standing or even walking more than a short distance. He has been spiraling downward emotionally; constant pain takes its toll. A change of scenery seemed like a good idea.

Our room at the Heritage House is Deerfield Seven. It is done in a sort of faux French provincial; a throwback to the 1950s. One critical Internet reviewer called it "decorated like your grandma's house". I don't mind much. Sometimes all the modern marble and granite and shades of beige in modern hotels can get rather boring. This place evokes memories of the 1950s -- cocktail hour, the Cold War, and Hemingway.

It is different; a change of scenery.

Our room looks out on a field and cliffs and the ocean. This is a big view. A panorama. One wall of the room is all windows with a big sliding glass door. We look through this wall of windows and view the ocean while we are comfortably seated in the blue upholstered swivel chairs in our French provincial parlor.

There's no television in the room, no phone, no Internet access, and no cell phone service. My husband dozes off, reads a little, and watches the ocean. I am reading and re-reading Hemingway. Every hour or so I get up and stretch. I check out the effect of the light and wind on the water. Then I go back to Hemingway.

I finished "A Farewell to Arms". I was vaguely hoping that the story would have a different ending and that Catherine Barkley would become a feminist in her old age. Of course it did not happen. I still enjoyed re-reading the novel.

I forgot how much the characters drink in Hemingway's novels. Reading about all the drinking has made me thirsty. Our room has a complimentary minibar (first complimentary one I have ever seen), so although I would normally have a cup of tea, I decide to plunge into the total Hemingway experience and fix myself a gin and tonic. It is very refreshing.

The taste of hard liquor brings me furthur back to the 1950s and now I start in on "For Whom the Bell Tolls". I have never read it before and I am feeling the thrill of reading a classic for the first time. Unfortunately, "For Whom the Bell Tolls" is harder going. The cast of characters are mostly Republican banditos fighting the Fascists in Spain's civil war. They are not very likeable. One is a drunk. The others like to argue a lot and bait each other into arguments. It seems like a sort of competition of aspiring alpha males. This does not interest me. These unlikeable people are banded together on a mission to blow up a bridge.

Time to get up and stretch and look at the light and wind on the ocean. It dawns on me that there is a reason women readers like Hemingway's novels. Hemingway's male characters are realistically drawn, heterosexual men who develop deep feelings for women. Of course, they are interested in sex, but they are also deeply connected to one woman. I think this is comforting to most women. Hemingway's universal theme -- that none of us goes through life without significant pain and loss -- makes his work appealing to all readers. Love, pain, and loss.

Now it is time to awaken my husband to dress for dinner.

Do Financial Planners Come from Hell?

2006-04-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have been working with a financial planner for a couple of years. The financial planner is Steve Brown of Asset Planning & Management in Aptos, California. In general, the financial planner has done a better job of managing our investments than we would have done on our own.

We had a meeting scheduled today to specifically discuss the plan for my retirement. After reviewing the status of some of our assets, Steve Brown, turned to me and said "Your last email to me is a complete waste of my time."

A copy of that email follows.

----------------------------Email Start---------------------------------------
4/14/2006
To: Steve Brown
From: Chris Wellens

Steve,

I think that you, my husband, and I need to have a meeting to get back on the same page. We seem to be going in different directions and that is not going to work out very well for our financial future.

When we first met with you and started this process, you felt that we had a "mishmash" of investments and you were going to straighten that out. I think we got started on that path and made some progress. However, now we seem to have wandered back into mishmash.

I would like to see a coherent plan to get us to our goals. I think we should be defining how much of each type of investment we should have (real estate, stocks, bonds, cash, gold, art, etc.), by what date, so we can live off the interest and dividends. I would like to start with my end goal of retirement, and work backwards from there.

Please let me know when we can have this meeting.

-----------------------------------Email End----------------------------

(1) If financial planners are not coming up with a plan for your retirement, then what are they doing?

(2) Is it normal for financial planners to tell their clients that the client's questions and goals are a waste of time?

Outstanding Females in Technology Are Exhausting

2006-01-18T20:11:00.000-08:00

I belong to organizations that support and promote women in technology.

There are not that many of us.

Some of our challenges concern achieving our goals in an environment where style, cultural values and norms created by our male colleagues are not comfortable for us. We try to bridge the gap through discussions, workgroups, presentations, etc. Our goals are diverse, but we generally want to help each other. I have met many fine, brilliant, and highly ethical women in these organizations.

Then there is the annual honoree dinner.

Many organizations have their "Outstanding Person of the Year" dinner. I know there is a "Realtor of the Year". I suppose there is a "Mayor of the Year", "High School Teacher of the Year", and so on. The women in technology organizations also have an annual honoree. The dinners are generally upbeat, positive, and fun.

Having attended many of these dinners over the years I have made some observations.

The master of ceremonies reads a long list of the honoree's accomplishments. The honorees have advanced degrees, multiple offspring, professionally successful husbands, track records of successive advancement in their professions, and high level positions demanding 60+ hours per week. Then there is always the quirky component. For example, "Rebecca creates jewelry in her spare time." "Sara is an avid sky diver, placing first for women over 50, in the national competition." "Leslie's water colors have been featured at the Met."

Not only have I not accomplished these things, I feel exhausted listening to these long lists. Then it seems that whoever has the longest list wins.

At one dinner, I talked to the honoree, Peggy Taylor. People were in line taking turns to chat with her for a few minutes each. I told her that I admired and was impressed by her many accomplishments and the number of people who said she was their best friend. I asked her where she got the energy to do so much and to invest so much time in maintaining so many close friendships. To my amazement, she replied that she was very fortunate to be a high energy person who got by with only five hours of sleep a night. I was impressed with her directness and honesty.

What is wrong, though, with just living your life and making one contribution to your community? Isn't it enough to work at your job and then maybe volunteer at your church? Why does the woman who has the longest list win?

Stephen Sondheim has something, but not much of it

2005-12-19T00:12:00.000-08:00

I spent $51 on a ticket to see "Into the Woods" with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim and book by James Lapine. This is my fourth Sondheim musical. I hope it is the last.

Here is what I conclude:

Stephen Sondheim:
- does not know how to tell a story
- has a somewhat despairing outlook on life
- has way too many words compressed in a short space of time
- oddly couples these supremely compressed intellectual lyrics with trite, cutesy, but forgettable tunes

Will the theatre of the future, 100 years from now, be performing Stephen Sondheim? I don't think so. I don't understand why theatres today perform his work.

"Into the Woods" is a very confused story. It does have a beginning and a conclusion, which is an improvement over the other Sondheim musicals that I have seen. However, all the events occuring in the middle are extremely confused.

The Sondheim fans tell me, breathlessly, "that's because life is confusing". I can agree with that statement. I cannot agree that the confusion of life justifies creating a work of art. Instead of art imitating life, we've got life imitating life here. In other words, "Into The Woods" is confused and aspires to imitate life which is confusing. In this case, why spend $51 per ticket? Why not watch someone's life for two hours? Or watch one's own life for two hours?

But let's move on to the play itself.

Sondheim's lyrics are very often clever, eclectic, and unusual. Perhaps he should have been a poet. The actors and actresses sing these lyrics in a compressed amount of time. Their ability to do is impeded by their lack of diction. As a result, the audience cannot hear the actual lyrics in real time. About the only way to follow the story is to read the musical in advance.

The audience hears an actress sing "Chow Doon". We attempt to mentally translate what we heard into something meaningful. Even though it sounds like Chinese we want to understand how that fits into the story. However, the actress intended to say "What are you doing?" But if you say "What are you doing?" over and over again as fast as possible, it comes out sounding like "Chow Doon".

This is a key problem with Sondheim. Either his work is simply unsingable, or there are not enough singers with sufficient diction to perform Sondheim. Either way, this is a big problem.

So why is Sondheim popular? Why is his work performed?

I believe that two phenomena work in his favor: (1) His relationship with Oscar Hammerstein, and (2) The lack of evolutionary direction in the American musical.

(1) Due to a set of circumstances, the well-known lyricist and playwright Oscar Hammerstein became a surrogate father to Sondheim. This connection opened doors and opportunities for Sondheim in the American musical theatre that other lyricists and composers could only dream about.

(2) There seems to be a paucity of break-through ideas for the American musical theatre. The art form had its golden age in the 1960's and since then has been thrashing about for a new direction and a new inspiration. The musical needs to evolve as an art form. It has become derivative. The only new ideas apart from Sondheim are with the mega-musicals, like Les Mis.

Yes ... Stephen Sondheim has new ideas. His supremely compressed intellectual lyrics are thought provoking, even unusual. What a pity they are not performable.

What group of young artists, composers, lyricists can now come forward and fill the void to help musical theatre evolve?

Winning the Iraq War

2005-08-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

How do you win a war? This is a serious question I've been pondering. I think the use of language or the rhetoric of the question is flawed. "Win" is defined as:

1. To achieve victory or finish first in a competition.

So we could rephrase the question substituting the definition above for the word "win":

How do you achieve victory or finish first in a competition in Iraq?

I don't think the Iraqi insurgents consider the presence of U.S. troops in their country a "competition". I don't think they are interested in "testing their skill or ability against a rival" (the definition of compete). I think the insurgents want the U.S. out of their country so they can take control again.

Normally when we use words like "winning" and "competing" we have a mental model of a sporting event like a soccer game or baseball game. In these tests of skills, both sides agree to follow a certain set of rules, there are referrees, and there is an outcome. Both sides accept the outcome or result and there is a clear winner and a clear loser. The matter is settled and the game is over.

The Iraqi insurgents, however, never agreed to "play a game". They never agreed to "test their ability against a rival". They are not participating according to time intervals like innings or 45-minute halves. They are not paying any attention to rules, referrees or outcomes. Especially outcomes. The Iraqi insurgents are not going to agree on the outcome; in other words, that they lost. No matter how the facts of the war appear to the U.S., it does not seem likely that Iraqi insurgents would forfeit, wave a white flag, resign, or admit defeat, regardless of the circumstances.

So when I hear Republicans saying things like "we are going to kick their butts in Iraq" or "we are winning this war", or "we're going to win this one and show them", these expressions sound like fans at a sporting event cheering for their team. In the case of Iraq, the fan is going to be disappointed because "the game" is not going to end.

The trouble is that the U.S. presence in Iraq is not a sporting event. It is not even clear that it is a war, since technically the U.S. has not declared war on Iraq. Most importantly, it is not clear that the Iraqi insurgents are interested or even paying attention to an outcome or result. It seems more likely that the Iraqi insurgents will continue fighting and lose their lives if required to get control over the country. They are not on any kind of time table. It seems they have infinite time and are willing to lose their lives for their cause.

I propose that our rhetoric is all wrong and that we as a nation have phrased the question very badly when we say "winning the Iraq war". We should take a step back, look at the big picture, and ask these questions:

(1) What does the U.S. want from Iraq?
(2) How can this be achieved?
(3) What are the benefits?
(4) What is the return on investment?

In reading the White House web site (www.whitehouse.gov), it appears there is some hope that the administration has shifted its focus away from the win/lose war rhetoric to the questions above. I hope this continues.

Let's Ban Cinderella

2005-05-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Banned Books Week is September 24 to October 1, 2005. This is an event promoted by the American Library Association (ALA) with the positive message that "Free People Read Freely". Nevertheless, the American Library Association receives "challenges". These are requests to remove or restrict materials from a curriculum or library based upon the objections of a person or a group. Last year the ALA received 574 challenges. Challenges differ from banning in that banning is the removal of those materials.

The challenged books are most often challenged for offensive language, homosexuality, witchcraft, and sexual content. Among the books that were challenged in the last ten years are: "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck. "Harry Potter" by J.K. Rowling. "The Color Purple" by Alice Walker. "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding. "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" by Mark Twain. I have read all of these books. Most of the books were on my list of "books that must be read before enrolling in college". The list was compiled by my middle school English teacher in the 1970's. I wonder how it is possible that a list of books considered required reading for those seeking higher education has now become a list of books that many would like to see banned? I wonder, who are these people?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, including me. So if a large group of people want to ban books that are considered classics, then it is only right that I should pick some books that I believe should be banned. As a hypothetical exercise, I thought about the book that has done the most damage to society over time, and should therefore, in the interest of public policy, be banned. It seems right to me that we should have some reason for banning books.

My reason is public policy. My book to be banned is "Cinderella".

Cinderella is in the public domain. Cinderella is folklore, a fairy tale. There are some 345 variations on the Cinderella story. Cinderella is multimedia; Disney has a Cinderella film. There are two Cinderella ballets; there are even more Cinderella operas. So banning all instances of Cinderella will be a monumental undertaking. Considering all the damage Cinderella has done, though, it must be eradicated.

What are the fundamental messages of Cinderella?

(1) If your mother dies when you are a young girl, and your father remarries, you will have big problems.

(2) Your new mother and her offspring will treat you as a servant and abuse you in other ways and your father will do nothing.

(3) If you are a young woman, your goal in life is to marry a prince. If that means cutting off your toe or cutting off your heel so that you can meet the prince's requirements, then you need to maim yourself.

(4) It is the natural course of young women to fight and abuse each other in order to win over the most desirable man.

(5) If you marry a young man of very high rank, you will be set up for life.

I find all of these messages objectionable for all sorts of reasons. The clear amalgamation of the messages: give up control of your life to a man who will take care of everything for you.

No one should give up control of their life to another person.

Although there are certainly many men who would do their best to love and provide for the woman in their life, it is best to have a back-up plan and an exit strategy in case things don't work out.

Sadly, many women have believed in the Cinderella story and found themselves:

Pregnant and alone.
Homeless.
Responsible for small children as a result of desertion.
Physically and/or sexually abused.

Now... how did this happen? Where was that prince?

It seems apparent that most men are not familiar with the Cinderella story, or, they don't identify with and model their behavior after the prince. Or, they don't relate to the story at all because the prince has such a tiny role and the story is primarily about Cinderella and the injustices done to her.

Cinderella's problem is not so much the wicked stepmother and step sisters, but rather her own father who has no backbone and will not defend her and stand up for her with the stepmother and step sisters. Given that her own father has let her down, it seems irrational that Cinderella should be so quick to hook up with the prince. Who knows if the prince is going to love and protect her? Perhaps the prince will be as weak as her father.

Although the story ends with Cinderella marrying the prince, if the story were to continue, I think we would find Cinderella has traded in one bad situation for another. If we examine her character we see that she is passive and depressed (over the death of her mother). She is not standing up for herself. She is not setting boundaries. She has not even asked her father to intercede. She goes to a ball and is swept off her feet by a handsome man. She knows nothing about him. She completely trusts that he will take care of her. In short, Cinderella is stupid. The definition of stupidity is engaging in the same behavior twice and expecting different results. The first time was with her father; the second time with the prince. If and when she finds herself in another abusive situation, what is Cinderella's back-up plan? What is her exit strategy?

There are no answers to that question in the Cinderella story and that is our public policy problem.

If Cinderella had a good education, some experience, some marketable skills, and some connections, she could probably take care of herself. She would not have to be dependent on the prince. She would have more self-esteem and confidence.

The public policy message we need to promote is: learn how to take care of yourself and then take care of yourself! When young women get the opposite message: give up control of your life to a man who will take care of everything for you -- the result is a public policy failure. When things do not work out, our society pays the price for the non-existent prince. These women need public assistance or get low paying jobs. They cannot provide for their children. They cannot control their children who get into trouble. They get caught in the downward spiral of poverty and crime. All the while obsessing and dreaming about a fairytale prince who is simply that -- a fairytale.

So let's ban Cinderella. Let's print some extra copies of the essay "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Complaint letter to the FCC regarding the SuperBowl

2005-02-21T18:29:00.000-08:00

February 21, 2005

The Honorable Michael Powell
Chairman
Federal Communications Commission
445 12th Street SW
Washington, DC 20554

Dear Mr. Powell,

I am writing to complain to you about the television coverage of the "Super Bowl 39" on February 6, 2005. I was extremely offended by what I saw and I think this programming is totally unsuitable for Christians and children.

This program graphically depicted explicit violence between gangs of young men. Even worse, older men in striped shirts, who should have known better, actually seemed to be directing the gratituous violence with whistles and hand gestures. The hitting and tackling between the groups of men could only result in serious injuries and bodily harm. These injuries appear to warrant medical attention. I fear that most of the injuries will not be easily treated and will require additional doctor's visits, xrays, casts, and physical therapy. Some of these injuries may even produce chronic pain that will affect these men for the rest of their lives.

Please work to have this type of programming removed from the airwaves. I am sure that there are may alternatives that are non-violent and non-destructive to the human body.

Sincerely yours,

Chris Wellens

The Devil Wore Prada -- the Devil Responds

2005-01-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

A fun and breezy read, The Devil Wore Prada, a novel by Lauren Weisberger, topped the best seller lists for months. What's it about? In three words: the fashion industry. This book delivers an inside look at the fashion industry and the chokehold that a prominent fashion magazine can put on fashion designers and retailers. There's also a storyline about Andrea, a recent college graduate who randomly finds a job as the assistant to the president of the fashion magazine. The pay is lousy and the president is incredibly abusive, but the prestige of the job is supposed to compensate for the low pay and abuse.

Most everyone has endured a horrible boss, so the popularity of the book with readers has a lot to do with their empathy for the heroine, Andrea. However, the book fails to illuminate the real truth of the story, that Andrea is an incompetent administrator.

We read about all the terrible demands and verbal abuse Andrea suffers while working for her devil boss. The only problem with the novel, and, this is a big problem, is that the real devil is Andrea.

The devil boss has an important job -- to create the vision and direction for the magazine. She has more challenges every day than she can possibly confront and meet. She is overworked, middle aged, and surrounded by incompetent staff. Like many women managers in their 40's and 50's, the devil boss also has to run a household with a husband and two children. She also must exercise hard to maintain her dress size of zero. The devil boss tries to delegate. She hires assistants to do things like get her coffee, get her lunch, take care of her dry cleaning, and so on.

One would expect that her assistants would recognize their role in supporting the goals and vision of the executive of the magazine, but they do not. In fact, Andrea is a pretty awful assistant. Andrea fails to:

* See the big picture goals of the organization and support those goals.
* Establish a communication and follow up process with her boss.
* Create checkoff lists to properly track details.

All of these are standard activities that one expects of an administrator. So why did Andrea have so much trouble performing them? What did Andrea think she was supposed to be doing at the magazine? Part of the responsibility lies with the magazine management; the human resources department failed to set expectations properly with Andrea. There was no job description, no training, no books to read. The assumption that the previous assistant would "train" Andrea on how to do "the job" was incorrect; the previous assistant had merely developed some adaptation strategies to survive in a culture that was largely based on fear. The fear comes from the devil boss who is in a perpetually irritable mood caused in part from the lack of proper administrative support.

Andrea never speaks up or defends herself when the boss is abusive. She never requests an appointment to discuss the matter and she never reports it to the human resources department. It is possible that nothing could be done and the board of directors sanctions the behavior of the devil boss in order to get results. However, Andrea will never know unless she tries to speak up for herself.

Andrea fails to realize that the president does not have the option or opportunity to separate her personal life from her professional life. Presidents must live the culture of their company. If you run a fashion magazine, you have to wear designer clothes. This will require a lot of coming and going to the dry cleaners. It makes sense to have an assistant oversee the operation. Andrea looks upon this task as demeaning and something that should be done by a housekeeper. So why doesn't she do something about it? Why doesn't she look for options and alternatives? Why doesn't she talk to the housekeeper about it? Perhaps find a dry cleaner that does pick up and delivery. Andrea failed to do any research and create a proposal with a cost-benefit analysis advocating this change to her boss. Instead she just becomes resentful -- which does not benefit anyone concerned.

Andrea is also angry and resentful when the devil boss demands that Andrea attend a social function to serve as a greeter for the all guests. The devil boss had been planning the social function for months. Andrea had many opportunities to create a list of all the requirements for the social function to help manage the party for the devil boss, but she did not. So, the over-worked boss finds at the last moment that she has forgotten this detail and presses Andrea into service. It should have been Andrea that identified this requirement for the party months in advance so that the devil boss would not have had to worry about it.

Andrea had a great opportunity to study the business operations of a successful magazine. Yes she did have to order lunch, pick it up, wait in line at Starbuck's, etc. All jobs have their good points and bad points. Andrea chose to focus on the bad and indulge in a lot of self-pity without taking any constructive action to ameliorate her situation. Worst of all she failed to seize the opportunity to learn the ins and outs of the operation of a successful magazine -- an extremely valuable source of knowledge available from the devil boss.

The Palestinian - Israeli Technical Support Center

2004-07-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

The Palestinian-Israeli International Technical Support Center

How are we in the West different from those in the Middle East?

For the last fifty years whenever we, in the West, hear news of the Middle East, it is always about "The Conflict". Arabs, Palestinians, Jews, Israelis cannot seem to resolve their differences and live peacefully with each other. There are always random acts of violence and senseless killing. A suicide bomber enters a cafe, detonates his bomb and kills himself and several others. A school bus filled with children is blown to bits. There never seems to be any forward progress towards peace, just continued hate and violence-- people who hate each other so much that they go out of their way to focus their lives on killing.

Are we in the West any different from the people of the Middle East? Asking myself this question, I find that although there are individuals that I hate, I never think about hating them or engaging in any kind of violence towards them. I have never fired a weapon or built or detonated a bomb. I cannot imagine doing that. Why not? Hating and planning acts of violence would take a lot of time and energy. I have a job. I have family commitments. But most importantly, like most Americans, my spare time is devoted to dealing with computer problems. I am so preoccupied with computer software and hardware problems, I have absolutely no time to hate anyone.

Modern life in the Western world means spending your free time diagnosing and fixing interoperability problems with software programs, hardware plug-ins, and networks. Who has not spent part of her life holding on the phone for tech support, deciphering poor English in user manuals, and rebooting?

I spend hours figuring out why Dreamweaver cannot read my Paint Shop Pro .gif file, days debugging the intermittent problem of USB ports not synching correctly on the Visor, days re-installing the new Lexmark printer driver over and over so I can print on the Lexmark printer on the network. I still do not know why I cannot share a file on the server when I have the permissions. I spend all my time diagnosing these kinds of problems, downloading patches, and rebooting machines. I do not have time to hate and kill.

These thoughts lead me to the inescapable conclusion that we will achieve peace in the Middle East by grabbing hold of the sword of hate and bending it into rack mount sliders. In other words, we need to get Palestinians and Israelis involved in solving technical support and interoperability problems. Once you get involved in solving these kinds of problems, you have no time for hating and killing. Your focus in life becomes relief and technical satisfaction and pride in the PC system that you finally got to work.

PAL-IS: The Palestinian Israeli Worldwide Technical Support Center

How would this be set up?

Let's find 500 talented Palestinian and Israeli youths between 18 and 25 years old. They will need education and training. First, they will need to learn English to have some hope of reading the user manuals. Secondly, they will need to learn the fundamentals of operating systems and programming. Third, they will need an organization and infrastructure (office building, a website, a call center manager, a customer relationship management system, a director, managers, etc.).

Funding? Easy. The Bill and Melissa Gates Foundation can come up with the funding, and the major PC hardware and software suppliers can also contribute.

Basically, everyone, all end users, all over the world will either call the PAL-IS (pronounced "palace") tech support hot line, or send email to support@pal-is.com.

The mission of the organization may be expressed simply: no matter what interoperability problem you have, PAL-IS is committed to fix it. Report your interoperability problems to PAL-IS and get a resolution in three days.

How will this stop the violence in the Middle East?

Just like the rest of us, the 500 Palestinian and Israeli youths will have to be at work from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. They will be given a set of bug reports every morning. Each individual will begin with the first bug and attempt to replicate it to verify that it is a bug and not "pilot error". Once replicated and verified, the individual will work with the suppliers of the non-interoperable products on getting bugs acknowledged and patches produced. Each individual will have to log and track bugs and bug fixes. He will have to maintain a knowledge base. He will have to get back to the customer with the solution.

If you have ever spent four or more hours trying to figure out the cause of a technical problem, and someone of a different race or religion gives you the answer in a few minutes, your response is most likely to be thanks and gratitude. You will appreciate that person; you will owe him a favor. You will not think of hating or killing the person. You are too busy. You are on a quota to get interoperability problems solved as quickly as possible.

When you go home at night, you will have to do more studying and reading about new products, just to keep up with the technology.

There will be absolutely no time in your day or night to dwell on hate and violence.

Conclusion

The plan for the Palestinian-Israeli International Technical Support Center requires more refinement. It will be difficult to get it launched and off the ground. Many people and circumstances could derail it. But so what? Nothing else has worked for the last fifty years. We are currently spending $3.9 Billion per month to maintain troops in Iraq (Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfield quoted in The Wall Street Journal, 7/10/2003, p. A4). Imagine spending $3.9 billion on educating 500 youths! In just a few years, most of the world's interoperability problems could be solved, and we could all use our time more productively.

Online Dating Analysis

2004-07-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

The Expectations of Participants in Online Dating

About one-third of the spam I receive asks me if I want to meet my soul mate. This always strikes me as odd because I already met him, and we are married.

I am not the target adience for the spam, yet I get it just the same. Some of it is for Yahoo Personals, so out of curiosity, I have checked it out.

On the "Yahoo Personals" form, I entered my zip code, and my "desired age range 45-60". Unbelievably, there were 1,000 hits. I scanned them. All the men that I checked out were looking for a woman with a "slim", trim, "fit" build. When it came to educational level, hobbies, religion, political preference, they put down "don't care".

Then I did the reverse look. I looked for women in my zip code with the same desired age range. Most of the women I checked out (about 70%) described themselves as "rubenesque", "full figure", "well endowed", a "lot of woman". There were a few that were "trim" and I saw "petite", and I surmise theses trim ladies are really popular and really busy dating.

So there you have it -- 1000 lonely men and 1000 lonely women. If only the men could let go of size there could be 2000 very happy people.

-------

I read my blog entry to my husband, and he said, simply, "size matters".

How Engineers Should Talk to Sales Reps

2004-06-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

A Guide for Software Engineers who are Much Smarter Than Every One Else

If you are an engineer, you have probably had the experience of wanting to get more information or try out a product that you heard about or read about. You found that a sales person from the company bothered you with a lot of small talk, questions, and repeated telephone calls or emails. You deleted the emails and screened your phones calls so you would not have to be annoyed by the sales person.

Having had that experience one time, you have now devised methods of getting new product information and bypassing the sales person. You use a fake name, fake email, or fake telephone number. You slam down the phone if the sales person tracks you down or you yell at the person. You feel this is a pretty good system, but it is perhaps not perfect. Actually, sometimes they won't give you the information you want, like pricing or a trial version.

A Better Solution

There is a way that you can get information or try out the product you want and even get the sales person to work for you. You can do this without lying, faking addresses, and slamming down phones. In fact, it can be effortless and easy and you won't be pestered with repeated emails, phone calls, and more.

Getting Sales People to Give You What You Want and Leave You Alone

In order to implement your solution, you need to know a little about what is motivating the sales person.

Sales people are supposed to follow up on every inquiry from a prospective customer (you). They try to determine three things:

(1) Is the product going to work for your application?

(2) Do you have money or funding to buy it?

(3) When would you be buying the product?

They want to find out the answers to these things very quickly, so that they can properly allocate their own and their company's time and resources appropriately.

If you never want to hear from the sales person again, the best thing to do is focus on your answer to question (2). You should say: "I have no money, no budget, and no funding for this product. The vice president of my group/division has said that we will never buy a product like this."

About 95% of sales people will never contact you again. The other 5% will ask you a follow up question:

"Why is it that you inquired about the product if there is no hope in buying it?"

You should respond: "The purpose of my inquiry is that I want to learn about the product in case there is funding in the future."

With this approach, you are likely to get the information and/or free trial that you requested, and the sales person will not contact you again -- an extremely well organized sales person may contact you in six months or one year, but most will not.

What if there is a possibility that you will want to buy the product?

Since you are a software engineer and are obviously much smarter than a sales person, it is of course insulting when they ask you what your requirements are for the product. Obviously this is a demeaning experience for you and a waste of time. However, there are a number of situations where you might actually want to be honest and tell them your requirements. Here are those situations:

(a) Some sales people are former engineers who wanted to do something new and different after ten years of software design and coding. (I realize that is hard to believe, but you might feel that way one day.) These sales people will understand your requirements. They might actually have some good ideas and insight that would help you. These former engineers now in sales enjoy analyzing how their product can address your problem.

(b) Not all of the capabilities of the product will be contained in the product brochures or free trial. There may be a new product due out in a couple of weeks. Or there might be a partner company that has the product you need. Or the capability is available but not contained in the demo or brochure. Or, there is something like the thing you want but not exactly.

If you express your requirements to the sales person, you will have access to important, unpublished information and other resources. You may be referred to one of their engineers who can talk to you in more detailed technical terms. In most companies, it is the sales person who controls your access to the other information and technical engineers.

You will be able to ascertain very quickly the sales person's technical competence. If they neither understand your requirements nor put you in touch with a technical engineer who does, then you move on. You can say their product does not meet your requirements; they will not be able to judge if it does or does not.

How do I stop all these pestering calls and emails?

The sales person is trying to plan his/her allocation of time and resources based on the timeframe when you would be planning to buy. There are several reasons for this:

(a) the sales people for the company forecast new business, so the company can plan its resources more effectively to meet demand.

(b) the sales person has to judge the level of resources to invest in addressing your needs based on when the payoff may occur in the future.

(c) the sales person wants to make sure that you have a quotation with correct model numbers, descriptions, and prices that you can give to your manager or the purchasing department. Since prices and models can change month to month and quotations are normally only valid for 30 days, the sales person is trying to make sure you have what you need when you need it.

You are probably thinking that you will just hand the last price list you got to purchasing, and they will be able to figure it out. Since you are a software engineer and so much smarter than everyone else who went to business school and claims to have "business experience", it is likely that your manager and the purchasing agent would not be able to understand the configuration you require and the piece parts comprising it. Since your manager and your purchasing department are trying to handle a lot of different things for a lot of different people, it is easier for all concerned if the precise configuration is contained in one quotation document.
Otherwise, they are likely to issue a purchase order for the wrong item, because they misunderstood the price list or the product description, or it became obsolete. Then, products have to be returned, there are delays, restocking, change orders, and so on. This costs your company a lot of money as people are tied up repeating work they thought they finished.

So the best thing you can communicate to the sales person is about when -- what week -- you will be needing the updated quotation to take to purchasing. If you think it will be roughly six months before you get around to needing the product, then that is what you need to communicate. The sales person will then check in with you in about six months. You will not receive annoying emails and phone calls in the interim.

What happens when the six months is up? The sales person will contact you. If you are ready to purchase, the sales person will update the quotation. If you are not ready to purchase, then revise your time estimate for when you think you might be ready. If the situtation is uncertain, tell the sales person in just one sentence what has changed about the situation. Perhaps your project was delayed two months, maybe it was cancelled, maybe it was transferred overseas, or maybe top managment is deliberating about it now and you hope to know something in two, four, or six weeks. You will not get annoying calls and emails when you are not ready if you communicate when you think you will be ready.

What If I Decide to Buy Another Product?

It is really uncomfortable if you have to tell a sales person that you bought another product and you probably want to avoid that whatever it takes. Afterall, the person could feel rejected and get emotional, and you don't want any part of that. Emotions are for the theatre arts and liberal arts graduates, not you, an engineer. As an engineer, you made a decision based on facts and analysis, so there is not really anything personal or emotional about your decision. You do need to communicate that decision for several reasons.

In order to improve product quality and features, suppliers need to understand what was missing or unacceptable about their product. Without your feedback, they have no guidelines or ideas for how to improve the product. Even though you selected another product, there's always a chance that the product you selected will not perform well, or the company will provide inadequate technical support, etc. So, it is in your best interests to keep your options open.

All you have to do is tell the sales person a few things that you liked about the product, and then relate what is lacking in the product or what you preferred about the product you selected. You can use email to avoid the emotional component of the communication.

So now you have a set of guidelines for communicating and working with sales people. You will get the product information and the opportunity to try out a product. By explaining your requirements, you will get access to more detailed help, information, and technical engineering resources in the company. By communicating your revised plans and schedules, you will control when and how you are contacted. You might find that you actually enjoy working with some sales people, since many are former engineers themselves. It may surprise you to consider that there are some really smart people, as smart as you, that are not engineers. Most engineers would not say they were smarter than Einstein. Even Albert Einstein was an office clerk and that is quite a bit lower than a sales person.

In Defense of PowerPoint

2004-03-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

"Absolute PowerPoint: can a software package edit our thoughts?" by Ian Parker appeared in the May 28, 2001 issue of the New Yorker magazine. This essay was a strong critique of PowerPoint, Microsoft's presentation graphics program. (PowerPoint is commonly used by business, government and education as a visual aid in public speaking.)

I believe Ian Parker wrote a very good, insightful essay that is well worth reading. I also believe that he never lived in the business world BP -- Before PowerPoint. Business life AP -- After PowerPoint -- is a better world. This essay will tell you why.

When I started my career, PowerPoint did not exist (nor the web). Our challenge: persuade executives to purchase high priced capital equipment. We needed a presentation. Corporate marketing at our headquarters created presentations on 35mm slides that we placed in a carosel projector. In our field offices, we referred to these presentations as "the corporate story". The corporate story included a picture of the headquarters building, some graphs showing our financial performance and that sort of thing. These presentations were professionally done, but not terribly relevant to our customers. They wanted to know more about what our product could do for them. Plus, to see the slides, you had to turn out the lights, and there's nothing like darkness to make your audience sleepy.

These presentations were not exactly what we needed. As a result, most of my colleagues created their own presentations. They winged it. They "ad libbed". They spoke without preparation, thought, consciousness or concern for the listener. Many were in love with the sound of their own voice. Many in sales have the gift of gab without the gift of great public speaking skills.

Since I was new to all this, I would listen in the back of the room and take notes. Rarely was there a beginning, middle, and end to the presentation. Instead, I heard a stream of consciousness blathering passing itself off as a coherent speech. Sometimes the speaker went on for an hour. When it was over, I would try to figure out if there was one key point I could take away from the presentation. Usually I could not.

Over the last few years, the prevalence and dominance of PowerPoint has been highly criticized. The criticisms levelled at PowerPoint are many:

(1) PowerPoint constrains the imagination of the speaker.

(2) Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech would have suffered with PowerPoint.

(3) PowerPoint templates replace critical thinking by the speaker.

(4) PowerPoint reduces self-expression to "bullet points".

Let's examine these criticisms.

(1) PowerPoint constrains the imagination of the speaker.

Constraining the speaker's imagination is normally "a good thing"; unfortunately, very few people have any imagination. Often they mistake "imagination" for "unlimited time to pontificate about nothing." In the BP (Before PowerPoint) world, most speakers did not put any imagination into their presentations. Possibly because they did not have any or they were too lazy. At any rate, BP, presentations were not only unimaginative, they were also incoherent! Given the choice between listening to an unimaginative, incoherent presentation or an unimaginative, coherent presentation, most of us would choose something coherent.

(2) Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech would have suffered with PowerPoint.

Absolutely true. Dr. Martin Luther King painted an inspired picture of the kind of world we should all live in. He had a vision and he communicated it beautifully. Dr. King was a gifted and inspired public speaker--possibly the best speaker of his time. I think we would all agree that the ten people in the world who can create a speech like the "I Have a Dream" speech do not have to use PowerPoint, if they choose not to.

(3) PowerPoint templates replace critical thinking by the speaker.

Not true. Most speakers do not engage in critical thinking. They are either not capable, or they were never trained, or they just don't want to bother. In these cases the Powerpoint templates provide some structure and suggestions to help the speaker organize his thoughts.

(4) PowerPoint reduces self-expression to "bullet points".

PowerPoint supports "bullet point" communication, but it is not required. It is possible to use PowerPoint completely with pictures, drawings, art and no words and no bullet points. You can even add music and special effects. The default way to use PowerPoint is to create a presentation with mostly "bullets" and this may be the fairest criticism of PowerPoint. If there were a way to help the speaker prepare his presentation by thinking in pictures or diagrams instead of words, PowerPoint could be a much stronger product, and we would have even better speakers with better presentations. This point is very well made by Seth Godin in his ebook "Really Bad PowerPoint". Mr. Godin explains how, where, and why pictures are far superior to bullet points in public speaking.

In our new era of globalization, we find ourselves communicating with people who do not speak our native language very well. We have all experienced the presenter with a heavy accent or inability to articulate key words such that we cannot understand the communication. In this case, PowerPoint bullets have saved the day many times. Most speakers who must present in something other than their native language can read and write the second language better than speaking it. With bullets in the second language, we have a better chance of understanding the speaker.

The world AP (After PowerPoint) is a far superior world. The mere existence of PowerPoint means that most speakers are forced to prepare. There is social and cultural pressure to have your laptop ready to plug into the projection unit. Even if all that PowerPoint accomplished was forcing speaker preparation, we should salute it for that. But PowerPoint has done more than that -- most presentations have a beginning, middle, and end. They have a point. Some actually have a premise, an assertion, evidence, and logical conclusions. This is a tremendous accomplishment and a significant step forward in rhetoric and oratory.

When People from Los Angeles Marry People from Minneapolis

2004-03-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

When people from Los Angeles get married to people from Minneapolis, they have three major areas of conflict. These are: (1) cars, (2) vegetables, and (3) windows. It is possible to work out these conflicts; it is helpful if you are prepared for them.

(1) Cars.

People from Minneapolis drive cars for transportation. The most important buying criterion for a car is its ability to start at -40 degrees Farenheit. If the car cannot start at that temperature, that means you need to purchase an oil dipstick heater. These cost about $15 and have an element that is about 20 inches long. You plug them into a standard electrical outlet. This keeps the oil heated in your car, so that the car will start at minus 40. The trouble is that you must park your car near an electrical outlet. The second most important buying criterion for a car is either front wheel drive or all wheel drive. This means that you will be able to get up hills that are snowy or icey in the winter. You definitely do not want rear wheel drive. The third most important criterion is rust. You want to look the car over very carefully for rust. If it is a new car, most likely there will be no rust. With a used car, you have to be very careful. In Minnesota, once a car has rust, the car's body is ready to rot away, and you need to get rid of it. That's about it -- ability to start at minus forty degrees Farenheit without assistance from a dipstick heater, front wheel drive, and no rust.

People from Los Angeles have never given any consideration to these three important criteria. People from Los Angeles think of cars like clothes. Cars are an expression of your personality and mood. You make a statement with your car -- not with your opinions, your writing, or your behavior. In Los Angeles, it is always important to look good, so you would never drive an old car, because thatmeans you are old and don't look good. You also keep your car washed
and waxed and take great pride in this activity. After all, you would not go out in public with dirty clothes, so you cannot drive a dirty car. It is also very important to keep the front and rear windshield meticulously clean, so that you have good visibility on the freeway.

No one in Minneapolis makes any serious attempt to keep a car clean in the winter. Chances are after you got out of the car wash, the water would freeze in the locks and then you might have trouble opening the doors. Visibility does not matter that much -- you pretty much hope that the other drivers are not driving white or gray cars, and you can always make out the image of a colored car even if your windshield is covered with slush.

To provide an example of car substituting for personality, in Los Angeles, if you want to convey the image that you are a fun, sports-loving guy ready for adventure, you buy a Jeep. You might also join a Road Ralley club, and you might get custom features for your Jeep. You can probably get special wheel covers, special upholstery, and that sort of thing. There is a huge business in Los Angeles for after-market customization of vehicles. It is pretty common for the average person to spend more on their car each year than they have in their savings accounts.

Obviously when the spouse from Minneapolis and the spouse from Los Angeles go shopping for a car the first time, there will be a lot of surprises.

(2) Vegetables

People from Minneapolis cannot get fresh vegetables year round, so they do not bother to try. Instead, they buy frozen vegetables and keep them in their freezers. If fresh vegetables are available, they will buy a lot of them and keep them in the refrigerator, making sure they have some ever night so that the vegetables are consumed before they go bad. Sometimes it is not possible to get out and get groceries in Minneapolis, because there's a snow storm and the roads are not clear. More often, the roads are clear, but it is just so cold out, it is not worth the hassle of grocery shopping. So, people from Minneapolis go shopping for groceries as infrequently as possible. They are big investors in Tupperware -- anything to keep those vegetables as fresh as long as possible.

People from Los Angeles are used to fresh fruit and vegetables year round. They go to the grocery store every day and buy the fresh food. They never buy frozen fruit and vegetables or even canned fruit and vegetables. Every day, some where in Los Angeles, there's a farmer's market, so the Angelinos even have the option of buying direct from the farmer. When they take their purchases home, the Angelinos put all the vegetables out on the counter. They would never put them in the refrigerator. They figure the vegetables will be eaten within 24 hours, so what is the difference. It is not unusual to walk into a Los Angeles home and see broccoli, tomatoes, cucumbers, and lettuce sitting out on the counter. No one forgot to put the vegetables away; the vegetables are just waiting to be made into the evening's dinner. If the spouse from Minnesota enters the house and starts putting the vegetables in the refrigerator, the spouse from Los Angeles will go out and buy more. The spouse from Los Angeles would never think to look in the refrigerator, because that is only for milk and meats and other products that need to stay cold.

Obviously the spouse from Los Angeles and the spouse from Minneapolis will have quite a time grocery shopping.

(3) Windows

The spouse from Los Angeles will walk around the house opening all the windows. The spouse from Minneapolis will walk around thehouse closing all the windows. Each will tell the other that they are worried about high utility bills. They will agree that they do not want their utility bills to be unduly high. They will engage in opposite behaviors to keep the bills down. Neither will understand why the other is doing what he/she is doing.

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